With less than 2 weeks to go until I leave Cambodia and 3 until I arrive home, I am out of ideas for this blog. I may consider continue it next year during my Americorps adventures in Seattle, but I'm not sure. I'm looking forward to living my life a little more offline, when I can see more people face to face.
In case you didn't know, starting in September I will be living in Seattle and working for Americorps at an organization called ACRS. Americorps in the home-version of peace corps. Basically, I get a stipend (enough to live on, but not save much), health insurance, and a grant at the end to put toward my students loans (a very sweet deal, and I get to defer them for the service term). At ACRS, I will be helping Asian immigrants and refugees find jobs and prepare to take the citizenship test. The job will be a lot of teaching, which will be something totally new to me. I'm looking forward to having more face time with an organization's beneficiaries. I think I'm at my best when I'm working with people, not when I'm sitting behind a desk. And I will still get to work with Cambodians! I think its a great opportunity for continuity between this year with SALT and the year to come. All in all, this job is making for a more stress free transition. I am so grateful to have found something before I even get back. Now, I get the month of August to relax, adjust, and see people.
In my last entry, I made a list of random things I am looking forward to and all those still stand. I have to admit I am nearly constantly imagining that moment I come down the escalator to baggage claim in Seattle and the moment the plane leaves the ground here in Phnom Penh. Mostly, I just feel incredibly grateful for this experience. I feel like the most confident version of myself I have ever been. And I feel peace about coming home and enjoying being where my roots are for the time being.
And now, for whirlwind gift buying, goodbye parties, and packing. See you in Tacoma!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
People
4 weeks to go and I'm busy buying gifts, wrapping up work stuff, checking things off of the "things to do before I go" list. My joy at the thought of being home is growing by leaps and bounds. Skype is becoming a less and less satisfying way of communicating with the people I love. Each moment with my host sisters is feeling more and more precious. Its a process of letting go and moving forward.
And of course, because this is me we are talking about, I've been pondering my fair share of deep thoughts. How did this year go by so fast? Has it really been a year since I've see all the people I love and rely on most? How have I changed? Will people see a difference? How should I say goodbye? Where am I headed? What will the future be like?
I think I most struck by how many absolutely wonderful people I have in my life, here and at home.
Here, I'm blessed with a host family, co-workers, and friends who love me, encourage me, put up with me, and laugh with me all the time. They will be hard to leave behind.
At home, I have great parents and family who are preparing to welcome me back. I have friends who have been in my life since elementary school and probably know me better than anyone besides my parents. I have friends who I met at Whitworth scattered all over the US now, but keeping in touch.
That's a lot of people. People who have changed me, loved me unconditionally, been an example to me, and argued with me when I needed to get over myself. I'm so, so grateful. It's an amazing blessing to know so many great people, now spanning two countries. So as I enter this time of transition, I'll be thinking of all of you. With you supporting me, how could I fail?
On a lighter note, here's 10 things I'm looking forward to besides people:
1) Driving my car again, who I am rechristening "Mabel" because she is getting along in years
2) Drinking a glass of milk- a lifelong daily habit that I have had to put on hold
3) Sleeping with a comforter, snuggling up in my bed
4) Sleeping in past 8am
5) Moving to Seattle!
6) Having an oven at home- eating food that isn't fried or boiled
7) Eating salad- uncooked veggies, yum
8) Wearing jeans
9) Wearing jackets/sweaters- being cold in general
10) Having the ability to wear my hair down without it being disgustingly sweaty by the end of the day
And of course, because this is me we are talking about, I've been pondering my fair share of deep thoughts. How did this year go by so fast? Has it really been a year since I've see all the people I love and rely on most? How have I changed? Will people see a difference? How should I say goodbye? Where am I headed? What will the future be like?
I think I most struck by how many absolutely wonderful people I have in my life, here and at home.
Here, I'm blessed with a host family, co-workers, and friends who love me, encourage me, put up with me, and laugh with me all the time. They will be hard to leave behind.
At home, I have great parents and family who are preparing to welcome me back. I have friends who have been in my life since elementary school and probably know me better than anyone besides my parents. I have friends who I met at Whitworth scattered all over the US now, but keeping in touch.
That's a lot of people. People who have changed me, loved me unconditionally, been an example to me, and argued with me when I needed to get over myself. I'm so, so grateful. It's an amazing blessing to know so many great people, now spanning two countries. So as I enter this time of transition, I'll be thinking of all of you. With you supporting me, how could I fail?
On a lighter note, here's 10 things I'm looking forward to besides people:
1) Driving my car again, who I am rechristening "Mabel" because she is getting along in years
2) Drinking a glass of milk- a lifelong daily habit that I have had to put on hold
3) Sleeping with a comforter, snuggling up in my bed
4) Sleeping in past 8am
5) Moving to Seattle!
6) Having an oven at home- eating food that isn't fried or boiled
7) Eating salad- uncooked veggies, yum
8) Wearing jeans
9) Wearing jackets/sweaters- being cold in general
10) Having the ability to wear my hair down without it being disgustingly sweaty by the end of the day
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Reverse Culture Shock
6 weeks. Only 6 weeks until I leave Cambodia, 7 or so until I arrive home.
So, I'm thinking about coming home. The process of coming home. Because its not just stepping on a plane, traveling a grueling 30 hours, and stepping off in the good ol' US of A. Its a much more psychological, symbolic journey than that. Just like leaving home was. Here's what I know:
- In September, I'll be moving to Seattle with my good friend Amanda and several of her friends. We'll have a lovely house and hopefully I'll have a lovely job to pay for it.
- I'm excited to see friends and family again. And to know all the social cues in any given situation. And to speak the main language of the place where I live fluently. For some parts of life to be just a little bit easier.
- I'm nervous about finding a job, re-establishing relationships, and going through a period of transition.
- I'll miss Cambodia. A lot. Last night was the first time I realized just how sad I will be to leave here. To leave people here. To leave all the laughter and friendships and adventures behind.
Everyone knows that when you move to a new country, you usually experience culture shock. There's the beginning honeymoon phase of wide eyes, the following crash of missing home and being confused, and the eventual adjustment to a new way of living and thinking. And the various ups and downs that follow. Most people would be surprised to hear that, according the experts, the same thing happens when you return to your home country- Reverse Culture Shock. You would think that everything about returning home is easy- familiar people, food, language, etc. But the thing is, your life in a new country changed you. In ways you can't even quantify. And home looks different. Some people say that re-entry is actually a much longer process than moving to a new place. Typical side effects include: being increasingly negative about your home country and forgetting positive things about being home, being increasingly positive about the country you lived in and forgetting the negative things about living there, taking all this out on people at home,withdrawing, being overly emotional, etc. Your best weapon is recognizing that this is all going on. It happens to everyone and it seems the best thing you can do is give yourself some grace and get through it. Know you're not crazy for wanting to go overseas again.
So basically, what I am saying is- I'm warning you. I don't know how much all of this will effect me or if it will be really noticeable. But I do know that I feel somewhat disconnected to life at home. Not from the people I love, but from the me I was before I left. And I can't figure out why. I can't label what has changed about me, but I expect it will become more clear after I come home. I'm not sure how I will be the new me back in my original context. So I promise- I love you all, I'm dying to see you, I want to be home again- but I might be a little crazy for a few weeks. Thanks for the grace. According to one book, the best thing friends and family can do is to just listen while I complain and pass me another bowl of ice cream. Good advice I think ; )
So, I'm thinking about coming home. The process of coming home. Because its not just stepping on a plane, traveling a grueling 30 hours, and stepping off in the good ol' US of A. Its a much more psychological, symbolic journey than that. Just like leaving home was. Here's what I know:
- In September, I'll be moving to Seattle with my good friend Amanda and several of her friends. We'll have a lovely house and hopefully I'll have a lovely job to pay for it.
- I'm excited to see friends and family again. And to know all the social cues in any given situation. And to speak the main language of the place where I live fluently. For some parts of life to be just a little bit easier.
- I'm nervous about finding a job, re-establishing relationships, and going through a period of transition.
- I'll miss Cambodia. A lot. Last night was the first time I realized just how sad I will be to leave here. To leave people here. To leave all the laughter and friendships and adventures behind.
Everyone knows that when you move to a new country, you usually experience culture shock. There's the beginning honeymoon phase of wide eyes, the following crash of missing home and being confused, and the eventual adjustment to a new way of living and thinking. And the various ups and downs that follow. Most people would be surprised to hear that, according the experts, the same thing happens when you return to your home country- Reverse Culture Shock. You would think that everything about returning home is easy- familiar people, food, language, etc. But the thing is, your life in a new country changed you. In ways you can't even quantify. And home looks different. Some people say that re-entry is actually a much longer process than moving to a new place. Typical side effects include: being increasingly negative about your home country and forgetting positive things about being home, being increasingly positive about the country you lived in and forgetting the negative things about living there, taking all this out on people at home,withdrawing, being overly emotional, etc. Your best weapon is recognizing that this is all going on. It happens to everyone and it seems the best thing you can do is give yourself some grace and get through it. Know you're not crazy for wanting to go overseas again.
So basically, what I am saying is- I'm warning you. I don't know how much all of this will effect me or if it will be really noticeable. But I do know that I feel somewhat disconnected to life at home. Not from the people I love, but from the me I was before I left. And I can't figure out why. I can't label what has changed about me, but I expect it will become more clear after I come home. I'm not sure how I will be the new me back in my original context. So I promise- I love you all, I'm dying to see you, I want to be home again- but I might be a little crazy for a few weeks. Thanks for the grace. According to one book, the best thing friends and family can do is to just listen while I complain and pass me another bowl of ice cream. Good advice I think ; )
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
My Birthday
My marked the beginning of my 23rd year with a few celebrations:
- Lunch out with MCC staff on my actual birthday. Delicious hamburgers. Yum.
- Birthday cake made by my coworker and friend Grace. And it was chocolate. Yum.
- Joint birthday party with my host sister Phealy who turned 20 on the 25th. We invited all our friends, foreigner and Khmer, to celebrate with cross cultural food and a boat cruise on the Mekong. It was so fun- despite weather keeping us at the dock for have the allotted time. Oh well. The party was a great meshing together of my two circles in Cambodia- MCC and my host family connections. I wanted to make an American birthday cake for the occasion and as my friend pointed out, a cake from a box is the most American cake I could make. I've never seen people be so thrilled about a cake out of box. People who first shied away from piece, ate happily after I mentioned the box. Who would have thought expats could miss packaged food so much?
- An hilarious music video posted on my facebook made by two great friends from home. It made me unstoppably happy.
- And finally, gifts and cards mailed from home in advance from my parents, grandparents, and brother and sister-in-law.
A lovely birthday indeed.
In other news, I will be leaving Cambodia in 7 weeks. Unbelievable. I think all of the SALTers have slipped into going home soon mode, buying gifts and talking about re-entry. I'm applying for jobs so keep me in your prayers. Here's to a great last few weeks!
- Lunch out with MCC staff on my actual birthday. Delicious hamburgers. Yum.
- Birthday cake made by my coworker and friend Grace. And it was chocolate. Yum.
- Joint birthday party with my host sister Phealy who turned 20 on the 25th. We invited all our friends, foreigner and Khmer, to celebrate with cross cultural food and a boat cruise on the Mekong. It was so fun- despite weather keeping us at the dock for have the allotted time. Oh well. The party was a great meshing together of my two circles in Cambodia- MCC and my host family connections. I wanted to make an American birthday cake for the occasion and as my friend pointed out, a cake from a box is the most American cake I could make. I've never seen people be so thrilled about a cake out of box. People who first shied away from piece, ate happily after I mentioned the box. Who would have thought expats could miss packaged food so much?
- An hilarious music video posted on my facebook made by two great friends from home. It made me unstoppably happy.
- And finally, gifts and cards mailed from home in advance from my parents, grandparents, and brother and sister-in-law.
A lovely birthday indeed.
In other news, I will be leaving Cambodia in 7 weeks. Unbelievable. I think all of the SALTers have slipped into going home soon mode, buying gifts and talking about re-entry. I'm applying for jobs so keep me in your prayers. Here's to a great last few weeks!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Nevers and Firsts
Nevers:
This year I have never:
1) Worn mascara
2) Used Pandora to listen to music (US only- boo)
3) Driven a car
4) Eaten my favorite foods that my mom cooks- macaroni salad, balsamic chicken, salmon . . .
5) Watched a movie musical - though I did see a play musical and Glee makes weekly appearances in my life
6) Sunk into a couch- you know that feeling when a couch is so comfortable. Aww. Furniture here is hard or non-existent. Even a slightly fluffy couch brings joy.
7) Been somewhere that has carpet
8) Blow dried my hair
9) Made a silly video with my friends
10) Worn a tank top outside of the house (except for a few dresses while on vacation)
Firsts:
This year, for the first time, I
1) Ate a cricket, a spider leg, lobster, egg with duck fetus inside, pizza with seafood on top, insect larvae, and eel. (okay, okay, delicious, gross, okay, gross, tastes like chicken but with bones like fish)
2) Took a bucket shower
3) Wrote a real life research proposal
4) Had a professional massage
5) Wore the traditional clothes of another culture
6) Went to an international conference about peacebuilding
7) Sang karaoke in a public place
8) Learned to like Korean pop music
9) Had whole conversations in a foreign language
10) Wore fake eyelashes
This year I have never:
1) Worn mascara
2) Used Pandora to listen to music (US only- boo)
3) Driven a car
4) Eaten my favorite foods that my mom cooks- macaroni salad, balsamic chicken, salmon . . .
5) Watched a movie musical - though I did see a play musical and Glee makes weekly appearances in my life
6) Sunk into a couch- you know that feeling when a couch is so comfortable. Aww. Furniture here is hard or non-existent. Even a slightly fluffy couch brings joy.
7) Been somewhere that has carpet
8) Blow dried my hair
9) Made a silly video with my friends
10) Worn a tank top outside of the house (except for a few dresses while on vacation)
Firsts:
This year, for the first time, I
1) Ate a cricket, a spider leg, lobster, egg with duck fetus inside, pizza with seafood on top, insect larvae, and eel. (okay, okay, delicious, gross, okay, gross, tastes like chicken but with bones like fish)
2) Took a bucket shower
3) Wrote a real life research proposal
4) Had a professional massage
5) Wore the traditional clothes of another culture
6) Went to an international conference about peacebuilding
7) Sang karaoke in a public place
8) Learned to like Korean pop music
9) Had whole conversations in a foreign language
10) Wore fake eyelashes
Monday, May 16, 2011
Lists
(Christine I promise I will try to stop stealing your blog ideas!)
Things I still need to take pictures of:
1) Tuk Tuk
2) Me wearing my helmet
3) Independence Monument/sites in Phnom Penh
4) Markets
5) Streets in Phnom Penh
6) All my friends
Things I still need to see/do:
1) Go to Brown, my expat friends favorite coffee shop
2) Visit all the NGO social enterprises selling cool gifts/souvenirs
3) Buy fabric and have professional clothes made for cheap
4) Have another cheap, amazing massage because I will never be willing to spend $100 on a massage in the States
5) Cruise the waterfront at night a few more times
6) Eat my weight in mangoes, rambutin, watermelon, papaya, and dragon fruit
7) Get a good enough tan to make people at home jealous
8) Purchase earrings for SALT earring exchange. Do not put this off til the last minute
9) Plenty of quality time with my host sisters
10) Drink many $2 fancy coffees, eat many $1.25 delicious desserts, enjoy the fact that a $5 meal out is an expensive meal
11) Participate in roadside aerobics/dance class
12) Hold MCC baby, Cedar, a lot
13) Go dancing with host sisters again
14) Figure out how to take home more than I brought but still use only one suitcase
Things to think about:
1) Going home- what does that mean? What are my expectations? (That I probably should drop. The #1 characteristic of a good overseas worker is low expectations)
2) Must find job.
3) How to I sum up this experience for others? All the difficult and wonderful things about being here. All the many sides of what Cambodia is - post-conflict, stable, poor, wealthy, urban, rural, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, developing and underdeveloped.
4) Accept that I will be in transition for awhile. Its okay. Its not forever.
5) Will I miss rice?
Things I still need to take pictures of:
1) Tuk Tuk
2) Me wearing my helmet
3) Independence Monument/sites in Phnom Penh
4) Markets
5) Streets in Phnom Penh
6) All my friends
Things I still need to see/do:
1) Go to Brown, my expat friends favorite coffee shop
2) Visit all the NGO social enterprises selling cool gifts/souvenirs
3) Buy fabric and have professional clothes made for cheap
4) Have another cheap, amazing massage because I will never be willing to spend $100 on a massage in the States
5) Cruise the waterfront at night a few more times
6) Eat my weight in mangoes, rambutin, watermelon, papaya, and dragon fruit
7) Get a good enough tan to make people at home jealous
8) Purchase earrings for SALT earring exchange. Do not put this off til the last minute
9) Plenty of quality time with my host sisters
10) Drink many $2 fancy coffees, eat many $1.25 delicious desserts, enjoy the fact that a $5 meal out is an expensive meal
11) Participate in roadside aerobics/dance class
12) Hold MCC baby, Cedar, a lot
13) Go dancing with host sisters again
14) Figure out how to take home more than I brought but still use only one suitcase
Things to think about:
1) Going home- what does that mean? What are my expectations? (That I probably should drop. The #1 characteristic of a good overseas worker is low expectations)
2) Must find job.
3) How to I sum up this experience for others? All the difficult and wonderful things about being here. All the many sides of what Cambodia is - post-conflict, stable, poor, wealthy, urban, rural, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, developing and underdeveloped.
4) Accept that I will be in transition for awhile. Its okay. Its not forever.
5) Will I miss rice?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Beginning of Thinking about Coming Home
Excerpt from The Two Gretels by Robin Morgan
The two Gretels were exploring the forest.
Hansel was home,
sending up flares.
Sometimes one Gretel got afraid.
She said to the other Gretel,
"I think I'm afraid."
"Of course we are," Gretel replied.
Sometimes the other Gretel whispered,
with a shiver,
"You think we should turn back?"
To which her sister Gretel answered,
"We can't. We forgot the breadcrumbs."
So, they went forward
because
they simply couldn't imagine the way back.
Words of Institution
On the night before he was killed,
Jesus was having dinner with his friends.
Things in Rome and Jerusalem were pretty dicey,
and his friends were afraid.
Peter said to Jesus,
"I think I'm afraid."
"Of course we are," Jesus replied.
Mary Magdalene took the bread and whispered,
with a shiver,
"Do you think we should drop the crumbs,
so we can find our way back?"
To which Jesus answered,
"We can't. We need bread for the journey forward."
With that, he took the breadcrumbs, gave thanks,
and shared them with his friends.
"These breadcrumbs will help you find your way," he said.
"Eat them, all of you. They will make you strong and wise."
Then he took the cup, gave thanks,
and shared it with his friends.
"This is the cup of life," he told them.
"Drink of it, all of you;
it will help you to go forward,
to discover who God has created you to be."
And they did.
Jesus and his friends ate and drank and went forward together,
despite their fears,
because they simply couldn't imagine the way back.
Credit goes to Christine Barker's blog for this one. I will be different. You will be different. Our relationships will be different. But I'm looking forward to reuniting and building something new.
The two Gretels were exploring the forest.
Hansel was home,
sending up flares.
Sometimes one Gretel got afraid.
She said to the other Gretel,
"I think I'm afraid."
"Of course we are," Gretel replied.
Sometimes the other Gretel whispered,
with a shiver,
"You think we should turn back?"
To which her sister Gretel answered,
"We can't. We forgot the breadcrumbs."
So, they went forward
because
they simply couldn't imagine the way back.
Words of Institution
On the night before he was killed,
Jesus was having dinner with his friends.
Things in Rome and Jerusalem were pretty dicey,
and his friends were afraid.
Peter said to Jesus,
"I think I'm afraid."
"Of course we are," Jesus replied.
Mary Magdalene took the bread and whispered,
with a shiver,
"Do you think we should drop the crumbs,
so we can find our way back?"
To which Jesus answered,
"We can't. We need bread for the journey forward."
With that, he took the breadcrumbs, gave thanks,
and shared them with his friends.
"These breadcrumbs will help you find your way," he said.
"Eat them, all of you. They will make you strong and wise."
Then he took the cup, gave thanks,
and shared it with his friends.
"This is the cup of life," he told them.
"Drink of it, all of you;
it will help you to go forward,
to discover who God has created you to be."
And they did.
Jesus and his friends ate and drank and went forward together,
despite their fears,
because they simply couldn't imagine the way back.
Credit goes to Christine Barker's blog for this one. I will be different. You will be different. Our relationships will be different. But I'm looking forward to reuniting and building something new.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)