Books

If you know me, you know I'm a reader. I've progressed from being in the lowest reading group in first grade to devouring at least 20 novels I year. I grew up with my parents reading to me every night and Saturday mornings spent reading in bed with my mom. As a huge extrovert, reading is the one thing I like to do alone. I've never been able to lay in the sun or just sit and listen to music, so I always have a book nearby. I read novels mainly- historical fiction, classics, books from different countries and cultures, comedy, romance. . . pretty much anything and everything. I managed to maintain this hobby even during my busiest semesters in college. So its not surprise that one of my mom's main worries about me coming to Cambodia was - what if you don't have any books to read?

Although I told her I would be fine and it was no big deal, I was very pleased to discover a huge library in the MCC office. In fact, its better than a library because its all books somebody in the last 30 years decided were worth carrying 10,000 miles across the ocean or paying for here out of a limited budget. There's literally a whole wall of books. Some of them look like they have been in the MCC office since MCC first came to Cambodia in 1979. Some were just on the NY Times Bestsellers list a year ago. To say the least, I've thrived on these books. They have kept me from being lonely and kept me balanced.

A few years ago I started writing down all the books I read (as every true book nerd does) to not reread anything, remember authors I like, and make recommendations, etc. I averaged about 25 books a year during college, not including stuff for school. Today I counted up my reads since coming to Cambodia and I'm at 34- in 6 months. You see, here I have plenty of time to read a few chapters after work, and before bed, and sometimes on my two hour lunch break if the book is really really good. So I'm happy to say, my hobby has been able to completely thrive in Cambodia- and its done just as much to keep my happy and healthy and centered as all my friends here and at home supporting me have done.

For other book people like me, out of the books I've read here and in no particular order, I recommend:
1) Moloka'i by Alan Brennert- historical fiction about the leper colony in Hawaii
2) The History of Love by Nicole Krauss- really well written and totally different than anything I have ever read
3) Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides- about a girl who discovers she is transgendered
4) A Map of Love by Ahdaf Soueif- parallel love stories in Egypt in 1900 and 1997- great glimpse at Egypt's colonial history, definitely making a political statement that applies today and somewhat prophetic because it was written pre 9/11
5) What is the What by Dave Eggers- I read this one to honor the world's newest country- South Sudan

Okay that's probably enough nerdy book post for one blog!

Coming up in March: Trips to Siem Riep, Battambang, and Pre Veng in Cambodia and vacation to Bangkok at the end of the month!

Spiritual Growing

In the past few weeks, several things have happened that have got me asking

"How am I growing spiritually here?"

First, I received an email from MCC asking me to prepare answers for a SALT yearbook I will receive at the re-entry retreat in July. The questions include things like first impression, differences between home/host cultures, future plans, new perspectives, and spiritual growth/struggles. (When I write them, I probably post those answers on here as well)

Second, I have been thinking about plans for next year and today I received a plane ticket back to the US (Leave Cambodia July 19th for re-entry retreat in PA, home on July 26). My plans for next year are completely up in the air other than the fact I want to be near home. I'm probably more okay with having an unknown future than I ever been in the past, but it does make me reflect back on this year.

Reflecting on this year with be a mammoth project but it really can't begin too much until I'm back home. All the ways this year has effected me and changed me perspective will probably echo throughout my entire life. But this question about spiritual growth has been on my mind.

For one, coming here was a leap of faith and one obviously expects to have some sort of amazing spiritual experience. You know, you're in a new place, you have to rely on God more than ever, your perspective is being challenged, etc. And its not like these things aren't true for me. Its just that. . .

. . . this has also been a year of big questions and doubts, something I never expected. From seeing the face of inequity up close and personal to questioning the western missionary format to dealing with some struggles at home, my faith has frequently been pushed to the limit. I've found it easy to question God's goodness and sovereignty when examining the Khmer Rouge years or seeing a very hungry child. I've questioned God's plan when my work has seemed inconsequential and irrelevant.

And while I've thought through these questions, I've also experienced some beautiful glimpses of God's love and His presence. I've been lonely and prayed and felt not alone anymore. I've see Cambodia Christians absolutely in love with Jesus and unafraid to speak of Him to others. I've seen resilience in the generation that survived the Khmer Rouge. I've been reminded that the truth, the real purpose of life, is in Christ. That those truths of goodness, love, reconciliation, and salvation are somehow more real, more permanent than all of the evil, suffering, and pain I have experienced and witnessed.

So in some ways, spiritually this has been a year of extremes so far. Some of these questions nothing to do with being here in Cambodia and everything to do with stepping out into the real world and adulthood. Some of them have to do with unraveling my negative self image so that I can see God's love. And all of them God seems to be answering by pulling me deeper into his arms, surrounding me with reminders. John 17:3 says

Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.

Eternal life isn't only pie in the sky someday, its knowing God, having a relationship. And that's what I want. So, I don't really have any conclusions, other than that I'm excited to be on this journey with Jesus, I'm willing to question because I know he's willing to listen to my grumblings, and I'm okay if my spiritual growth this year isn't typical or what I expected- I just want to build the relationship and sometimes that means both arguing and loving each other.

Hilarious Language Barrier Moment

This weekend some extra relatives came into town to stay with us. My host mom was one of them. Since she doesn't live in the city I don't see her too much. She does a great job of eking out Khmer conversations with me, speaking slowly, and laughing with me, not at me. Despite my pitiful level of Khmer, we actually have a pretty sweet relationship. Last night she told me she misses me whenever she goes back to province. Another time she told me I was like her daughter now. So on to last night's hilarity:

My host mom points at a brillant, full, harvest moon and says:
Mom: Do you have this in America?
Me: Yes, in September and October (thinking harvest moon)
Mom: Oh no, you always have it. 2 weeks of the month it gets bigger, 2 weeks a month it gets smaller.
Me: Oh yes we always have the moon, but its orange in September and October
Mom: (explains again how the moon is always there, obviously wanting to correct my ridiculous idea that the moon only exists 2 months of the year!)

So, my language skills led to tell someone America only has a moon in the fall. Great, here I am trying to overcome assumptions people have about the US and instead I'll just add another really strange one! ha ha

Perspective

Okay, so I have to admit something. . . . I'm bored of my routine here. I know that I'm in a foreign country, having new experiences, building new relationships, eating new foods. . . but oh man, its amazing how the shiny newness can wear off of life here. Its not that I'm unhappy or want to come home, in fact I know I'm not ready to come home yet and I want these 5 more months I have left here. Its more that boredom leads to homesickness which leads to frustrations over little inconveniences, which puts me in a bad mood on a Monday morning. So, taking some advice I got from another SALTer a few months ago, for you readers and for me, I'm going to make a list of all the things I will miss about life here- to remind me of what I love here and to attempt to counteract the strange mood I'm in today:

I will miss. . .

1) Travel by motorbike. Although I decided not to drive out of a quite natural fear of dying bleeding on a road somewhere. (ie scary traffic), I love riding on the back of someone's moto. Wind in your hair, plenty to see, time to think. Its great. (And yes, I suppose I am not too much safer as a passenger, but at least I don't have to think about the crazy lack of traffic rules!)

2) My host sisters. Wow, did I get blessed with an amazing host family! All 3 of my sisters are beautiful, fun, smart, funny, and always watching out for me. I had this secret fear they would get sick of me, but that totally hasn't happened. I love coming home and chatting with them all evening. I love listening to their conversations in Khmer and catching only about 30 or 40%, but still somehow being included and feeling comfortable. I love laughing about boys, watching Korean pop music videos, comparing cultures, and eating sour mangos with chili salt.

3) Speaking of mangos, I will miss the fruit. I mean, wow. Fruits we have at home like watermelon, oranges, and japanese pears- but available year round and way more delicious. Plus fruits I've never seen before like dragonfruit, rambutin, mien. . . the list goes on. Every Monday morning, I stop at the market on the way to work and buy fruit for a week of breakfasts. Its always ripe and always delicious. And mango season is coming soon!

4) Being put in charge of a big project at work like I'm someone with years of experience and skill and not a recent college grad. I like the challenge and it feels great to be trusted so much. I don't think research is my calling, but its good to have this chance to test my skills

5) Beautiful sunsets. Seriously, every night. Its amazing.

6) Being able to go away for a weekend- bus and hotel and food- for 30 bucks. That is THE BEST. In a few weeks we have the MCC retreat to Siem Riep (my 4th trip there, but it still will be fun) plus I'm looking into scheduling a long weekend in Bangkok in the near future. Hopefully that will work out.

7) Along those same lines, everything being cheap. My 70 bucks a month of play money can go a long way here. 10 dollar massages. 2 dollar T shirts. 35 cents cups of coffee. 1 dollar slices of cake. Its an easy life in that sense.

8) My MCC family. All of the expats and Khmer people here are super wonderful. There's a strong sense of community. I have people I can laugh with and people I feel safe to cry with. Its amazing that there are so many of us and we all genuinely get along.

That's all I have for this list for now. And that's nothing to turn your nose up at. Sorry if its repetitive from other blog posts. Here's a prayer for contentment and joy in the simple things of life. And a prayer for all of you at home- every season of life can be an adventure, it just depends on your perspective. I'm trying to regain mine. : )

My work lately

The past two weeks at work have been exciting and frustrating. My survey project moved forward to the translation stage. For anyone who knows anything about research, you know that writing a survey means agonizing over every word choice so as to be as unbiased and understandable as humanly possible. So after writing and revising and revising again my 2 surveys for a month, I passed them off to be translated into a language with far less precise wording than English and that I can't read. Talk about a lesson in losing control. I absolutely trust my Khmer coworker doing the translation, but this still was a moment of me saying over and over again in my head "don't freak out Nicole, it will probably work out." And honestly, that's somewhat of the Cambodian way of doing work. Go with the flow. Don't stress. Definitely the opposite of an American work environment! In the end, we went through the larger survey with the entire staff, improving the translation and getting their input. I felt really good that there seemed to be some ownership of the project within the team. People were realizing what good things could come from the information we were gathering. Tomorrow, my coworker and I will go through the translation on the shorter survey. Then, both surveys will be back translated into English so I can verify no major changes were made. The hope is to be finished with translation by the end of next week.

The other major move forward on my work project has to do with data collection. In yet another meeting all of the staff discussed various ways we could administer the surveys. But, we knew that was going to be a lot of work and very time consuming. In the end, we went with an option I hadn't even considered, hiring people to collect the data. I never expected them to spend money on my project! Now Peace Bridges is investing almost $1500 is a project I'm leading- an inexperienced, just out of college volunteer. Craziness. I feel pretty empowered by their faith in me. Best of all, all the data should be collected by mid-March, leaving plenty of time for data entry and analysis.

So my main work project is moving along nicely, even though it doesn't really consume all of time. I've picked up another project- this time doing the analysis on a qualitative project. The data was gathered in focus groups last month. The purpose of this project is for me to work side by side my Khmer coworker as he does the analysis in Khmer and I do it in English. Its a good capacity building opportunity for both of us. Plus, then I can put on my resume that I did both quantitative and qualitative work in a cross cultural setting. This project probably won't get going till March though, because I have to wait on translation. (did I mention I'm already looking forward to being back in an English speaking country? I love Cambodia, but languages barriers suck)

I also am possibly starting another side volunteer thing- hanging out in the English language lab at a big university here. So perhaps one afternoon a week I will chill out and people will come talk to me to practice their English. I have a meeting about this this afternoon so we'll see where it goes.

Side note:

Today I took a motodupe (motorbike taxi per say) with the sweetest driver. He practices English every Sunday with an American. We chatted all the way to the office.His earnestness to learn English was endearing. He said he wanted to learn because English is the language of power. So true. Until I got here, I didn't imagine how much power I have because my first language is English. I love meeting kind strangers!

A normal weekend in Phnom Penh

Some weekends I go on adventures- camp, swim, shop, see temples- but most weekends I stay at home, grateful for time to lay around and do nothing. My ability to do nothing has increased substantially in Cambodia. Maybe its because life here just happens at a slower pace and more value is placed on simply being with people or maybe I just have a lot of down time, but either way I'm enjoying being still in a new way. So here's what I did this last weekend to give you a taste of an average weekend for me:

On Friday after work I went to a Taize worship service at an international church. Then my fellow MCCers, Grace, LynAnne, Liz and I had a sleep over at MCC. We ended up staying up until 1:30 in the morning chatting about nothing and everything. It was exactly what I needed and it felt just like college.
I woke up on Saturday and chatted on skype with my parents for 2 hours. Then, I went home and had lunch with my sisters. Lazed around with them at home for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Ended the night with a conversation about how to choose the right man to marry with my oldest sister Dalis. Started planning her birthday party in a few weeks. Looks like I will be contributing an American dish and a cake : )
On Sunday I went to Khmer church with my sister Phealy. Then, we came home and sat around chatting and cooking with my other sisters. Late in the afternoon they left to visit another family member and I had the house to myself. So I read and listened to music and watched TV and generally relaxed. On Sunday night, I went to the house church I am a part of. We listened to a podcast sermon and ate together and discussed. Ended the night praying that we might know what it means to truly be worshipers. Lovely.

And this morning I woke up and came to work. A simple, lazy weekend. But I'm really grateful for that simplicity because its a sign I feel at home with my host family. At the beginning, I could never have imagined sitting at home all Saturday afternoon. Now though, I feel totally comfortable with them and in our house.

As a side note, last week was Chinese New Year and I saw dragon dancing in the street. So cool. Why don't we have a holiday that involves dancing in the street in costumes? Seriously awesome. A lot of Cambodians have some Chinese blood and most people believe in the lunar calendar so the new year is a big deal here. So happy year of the rabbit- a very lucky year in Cambodia because rabbits are the most clever animal. Lots of women want to have babies this year so their children will be smart : )

And, today is the exact halfway point of my year! Hard to believe. Somehow, its gone by slowly and quickly at the same time. I am starting to feel like coming home, but at the same time I happy to have a few more months to do life here.