I've been wanting to share a prayer that we prayed at orientation with all of you. I've been coming back to it again and again in my journal. It's based on the fruits of the Spirit and I'm not sure quite where it came from, but I really love it:
I choose love. . . No occasion justifies hatred, no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. This year I will love God and what God loves.
I choose joy . . . I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical. . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose peace. . . I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose patience. . . I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite her to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose kindness. . . I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose goodness. . . I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose faithfulness. . . This year I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My family will not question my love and they will never fear that I will not come home.
I choose gentleness. . . Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.
I choose self control. . . I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self control.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. To these we commit our year. If we succeed, we will give thanks. If we fail, we will seek grace. And then, when the year is done, we will place our heads on our pillows and rest.
Hugs to you all : )
Friday, October 29, 2010
End of October Thoughts
It's hard to believe today is already October 30th. The weather here isn't getting much colder and no leaves are turning red and gorgeous, so November kind of snuck up on me this year. Yesterday, Liz, LynAnne, and I spent the day laying by a pool at a nice hotel. (Thanks to Coronation Day, yet another national holiday in Cambodia) Our conversation drifted toward the subject of how we've grown so far this year and if that growth has been what we expected. You see, here in Cambodia we are not living in an isolated village with no running water or even no internet. I check my facebook everyday. I have a western style bathroom in my house. I can get any American food I want, whenever I want it. As we read the blogs of other SALTers in more remote locations, I think we all start to question the "authenticity" of our experience. Are we missing out on personal growth because we can go sit in a coffee shop whenever we want?
After chatting about this with the girls, I sat down this morning to think about how I have grown so far this year. Of course, it is way to early to predict what the rest of the year will look like. I have to admit I haven't been doing too much of this kind of thinking here. For one, life here takes extra energy most of the time and by the end of the day, I'm usually ready to crash. Second, though I am feeling more and more at home here, part of me is still a little disconnected from myself. So many of the things that I before considered a part of me, just don't really work here (For example, having a busy social calendar- here my social circle is small, and wonderful, and life simply has a more laid back pace). So, when it comes to personal growth, what I've learned can really be summed up in one main point:
I'm learning how to be comfortable being me. If you know me, you know I tend to have a pretty skewed view of myself. A bad habit lingering from pre teen days of self consciousness, comparison, and shyness. Here in Cambodia, I'm finding out that I am capable. I can adjust here and figure things out. I can meet all new people and build relationships. I can trust in a God who is bigger than I understand. Mainly, I can relax and be myself in a new way. Life here takes too much energy to spend time analyzing if people really like me or worrying about the future. This frees me to simply live life. This attitude really opens my eyes to the love all around me. These are all things I'm still just learning, but maybe by the end of the year this new way of thinking will have really sunk in.
So for now my conclusion about having too many conveniences is that God called me to Phnom Penh, not a small village somewhere. I'm here for a purpose. A purpose for me, and I hope a purpose for others. As a side note, people go to serve overseas, but I find I'm being given far more than I have to offer. Its incredibly humbling and brings up all sorts of questions for me about international NGO work (I think I'll wait on those for another post). I think if I spend too much time worrying if I am having 'the right' experience this year, I could miss out having my experience, whatever it is and will be. Of course, this question of having too many conveniences is worth taking out and examining again once and awhile. I never want to spend so much time living in an American bubble in Phnom Penh, that I'm not engaging in Cambodian culture. I have a lifetime to live in America and only 1 year in Cambodia.
So that's my deep thoughts for now. I thought I should give you all a little more insight into what's going on in my head : )
After chatting about this with the girls, I sat down this morning to think about how I have grown so far this year. Of course, it is way to early to predict what the rest of the year will look like. I have to admit I haven't been doing too much of this kind of thinking here. For one, life here takes extra energy most of the time and by the end of the day, I'm usually ready to crash. Second, though I am feeling more and more at home here, part of me is still a little disconnected from myself. So many of the things that I before considered a part of me, just don't really work here (For example, having a busy social calendar- here my social circle is small, and wonderful, and life simply has a more laid back pace). So, when it comes to personal growth, what I've learned can really be summed up in one main point:
I'm learning how to be comfortable being me. If you know me, you know I tend to have a pretty skewed view of myself. A bad habit lingering from pre teen days of self consciousness, comparison, and shyness. Here in Cambodia, I'm finding out that I am capable. I can adjust here and figure things out. I can meet all new people and build relationships. I can trust in a God who is bigger than I understand. Mainly, I can relax and be myself in a new way. Life here takes too much energy to spend time analyzing if people really like me or worrying about the future. This frees me to simply live life. This attitude really opens my eyes to the love all around me. These are all things I'm still just learning, but maybe by the end of the year this new way of thinking will have really sunk in.
So for now my conclusion about having too many conveniences is that God called me to Phnom Penh, not a small village somewhere. I'm here for a purpose. A purpose for me, and I hope a purpose for others. As a side note, people go to serve overseas, but I find I'm being given far more than I have to offer. Its incredibly humbling and brings up all sorts of questions for me about international NGO work (I think I'll wait on those for another post). I think if I spend too much time worrying if I am having 'the right' experience this year, I could miss out having my experience, whatever it is and will be. Of course, this question of having too many conveniences is worth taking out and examining again once and awhile. I never want to spend so much time living in an American bubble in Phnom Penh, that I'm not engaging in Cambodian culture. I have a lifetime to live in America and only 1 year in Cambodia.
So that's my deep thoughts for now. I thought I should give you all a little more insight into what's going on in my head : )
Monday, October 25, 2010
Peace Building Conference
I spent last week at the Action Asia Peace Building Forum. Action Asia is a network of peace builders across Asia that came together about 10 years ago for mutual information sharing, encouragement, and resource sharing. Every 2 years they have a forum somewhere in Asia. This year's theme was Transforming Our Woundedness For Peace.
The forum consisted of a key note speaker and a ton of workshops focused on different countries. Because of the theme, a lot of people shared the story of their personal journey toward peace building. Also, one day we went to visit a floating village and the Cambodian Cultural Village. In the floating village (on the water for 6 months a year) we met with their community organization to hear about what they are doing to lessen poverty in the community. The Cultural Village is a tourist attraction with a ton of Khmer and ethnic minority dancing shows. They also enacted a traditional Khmer wedding. It was great because they pulled people out of the audience to play roles in the show.
The best part of the conference was being so warmly welcomed by these incredible people that I instantly admired. I was treated like one of them even though I don't have any experience. I met a ton of people who kept saying 'here's my card, if you come to India/Nepal/Myanmar/Indonesia/Philippines call me' So wonderful. I also met some people who work in Phnom Penh, Cambodians and expats. I look forward to building those relationships. My boss from Peace Bridges was also there, so I got a chance to get to know him better as well.
Anyway, it was a wonderful week that filled my brain with so many new thoughts and questions its hard to even process to write about it on here. Another great week in Cambodia.
The forum consisted of a key note speaker and a ton of workshops focused on different countries. Because of the theme, a lot of people shared the story of their personal journey toward peace building. Also, one day we went to visit a floating village and the Cambodian Cultural Village. In the floating village (on the water for 6 months a year) we met with their community organization to hear about what they are doing to lessen poverty in the community. The Cultural Village is a tourist attraction with a ton of Khmer and ethnic minority dancing shows. They also enacted a traditional Khmer wedding. It was great because they pulled people out of the audience to play roles in the show.
The best part of the conference was being so warmly welcomed by these incredible people that I instantly admired. I was treated like one of them even though I don't have any experience. I met a ton of people who kept saying 'here's my card, if you come to India/Nepal/Myanmar/Indonesia/Philippines call me' So wonderful. I also met some people who work in Phnom Penh, Cambodians and expats. I look forward to building those relationships. My boss from Peace Bridges was also there, so I got a chance to get to know him better as well.
Anyway, it was a wonderful week that filled my brain with so many new thoughts and questions its hard to even process to write about it on here. Another great week in Cambodia.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Random Thoughts
Last week I was struck down by my first major illness in Cambodia. Nothing uniquely tropical, just the stomach flu. Yuck. There's nothing like being 10,000 miles from home wishing your mom could take care of you. I'm back up to about 75% now after pretty much sleeping for 4 days. This is a summary of my reflections from four days sitting alone watching TV.
I spent the first 2 days holed up in the MCC office, too sick to go home. I did spend the last 2 days at home though. I think it was actually really good for me to be with my host family when I couldn't be exciting or energetic or engaging. I just had to be me, even grumpy, sick me. Strangely enough, I think this was good for my relationship with my family because in real life, not every day is a banner day. I was a part of the family even when I didn't have a lot to offer to the conversation. It felt nice to just relax with them. Also, I felt really cared for and loved.
This sickness also forced me to reflect upon some of the areas I have been fighting God lately. I feel like God and I have been having an ongoing argument about His goodness and control for at least the last 6 months. Sometime during the last few days I finally hit a point of just letting go. Its a good thing to believe in a God who is bigger, stronger, wiser, and lovelier than I am. I'm okay with not knowing, not understanding, not being in control, as long as He is. I can believe in a good God who both gives and takes away. It seems like a small thing when I write it here, but it feels like a big step. I can only be me- not a perfect, super human. And I'm enough, just as I am. Jesus already loves me. I need and love Him, He loves and wants me. That's enough. Talk about peace.
Tomorrow, I head back to Siem Riep for an Asia-wide conference on peacebuilding. Should be fun, interesting, and a nice break from routine. It makes me feel so professional! Hopefully, my body is up to snuff so I can actually concentrate in the sessions!
I spent the first 2 days holed up in the MCC office, too sick to go home. I did spend the last 2 days at home though. I think it was actually really good for me to be with my host family when I couldn't be exciting or energetic or engaging. I just had to be me, even grumpy, sick me. Strangely enough, I think this was good for my relationship with my family because in real life, not every day is a banner day. I was a part of the family even when I didn't have a lot to offer to the conversation. It felt nice to just relax with them. Also, I felt really cared for and loved.
This sickness also forced me to reflect upon some of the areas I have been fighting God lately. I feel like God and I have been having an ongoing argument about His goodness and control for at least the last 6 months. Sometime during the last few days I finally hit a point of just letting go. Its a good thing to believe in a God who is bigger, stronger, wiser, and lovelier than I am. I'm okay with not knowing, not understanding, not being in control, as long as He is. I can believe in a good God who both gives and takes away. It seems like a small thing when I write it here, but it feels like a big step. I can only be me- not a perfect, super human. And I'm enough, just as I am. Jesus already loves me. I need and love Him, He loves and wants me. That's enough. Talk about peace.
Tomorrow, I head back to Siem Riep for an Asia-wide conference on peacebuilding. Should be fun, interesting, and a nice break from routine. It makes me feel so professional! Hopefully, my body is up to snuff so I can actually concentrate in the sessions!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Siem Riep and Angkor Wat
Hello all,
I've just returned from a vacation in Siem Riep, a province about 6 hours north of Phnom Penh. Siem Riep happens to be the location of the ancient temples of the Angkorian Empire, the Khmer society that ruled all of SE Asia about 1000 years ago. The 4 of us SALTers headed out last Wednesday planning on seeing the temples, relaxing, and enjoying being tourists. I had a great time and pictures are coming soon I promise (on facebook or on here). Here are some highlights
- Laying by a pool at a super fancy hotel that we didn't stay at because its way out of our budget. The pool is on a rooftop, in a garden. Instead of umbrellas there were grape trellises covered in fabric. It was just gorgeous!
- Going dancing every night. Such a typical tourist thing but so fun. This included my first time dancing on a platform. Not something I expected out of my time in Cambodia! (oh and I got to salsa some with Michael, made me miss Whitworth!)
- While dancing on one of those nights being proposed to be a Khmer man. It went something like this:
Oh you speak beautiful Khmer, do you want to stay in Cambodia forever.
Um I'm not sure yet.
Well if you do, you could marry me.
Oh, uh, no thanks.
All of this happened in Khmer. Getting hit on in another language is kind of a trip because you can't completely understand what the guy is saying, so you just nod along and laugh a lot- which equals flirting back- the exact opposite of you intentions. Seriously though, he was totally nice and not creepy at all. And I won the bet we had going between us girls on who would be proposed to first.
- Bonding with the other 3 SALTers even more than we already have. It was so fun to vacate our Phnom Penh life, even though that life is exactly stressful or that busy. Just a chance to forget about cultural differences for a few days.
- Sleeping in an air conditioned room- I can't remember the last time I was cold while I slept.
- Spending 1 whole day lying around reading, a day in which I changed back into my PJs twice
- And of course, seeing the temples. We saw the 5 most popular. There are something like 200 in the province, but only 30 something are accessible because of jungle and land mines. My favorite as Ta Prohm, the jungle temple. (also the place tomb raider was filmed) We are able to go inside the temples as well which I wasn't expecting. Probably the thing that really made the day memorable though was our guide. We requested a guide who the hotel recommended. Then, within 10 minutes of starting the tour this guy just begins a long day of dirty jokes and innuendos about dating us girls. Seriously probably the most sex deprived person I've ever met. It was partly hilarious, partly unbelievable, and partly uncomfortable. I'm guessing he just assumed all American women are loose and like that kind of talk. The highlight was probably "The snake in the trousers is more dangerous than the snake in the wood because the snake in the woods gets scared but the snake in the trousers never gets scared or tired." (Throughout this sentence he was gesturing at Michael's pants) This pretty much has all of us laughing so hard and so uncomfortably that we were practically crying. And this is only one of the gems he left us with. Definitely not the tour we were expecting, but totally memorable nevertheless.
Overall, a lovely vacation. I'll actually be back in Siem Riep in 2 weeks for a conference, but that trip will look a lot different. Less dancing, more living at a Jesuit retreat center and listening to lectures.
Missing everyone!
I've just returned from a vacation in Siem Riep, a province about 6 hours north of Phnom Penh. Siem Riep happens to be the location of the ancient temples of the Angkorian Empire, the Khmer society that ruled all of SE Asia about 1000 years ago. The 4 of us SALTers headed out last Wednesday planning on seeing the temples, relaxing, and enjoying being tourists. I had a great time and pictures are coming soon I promise (on facebook or on here). Here are some highlights
- Laying by a pool at a super fancy hotel that we didn't stay at because its way out of our budget. The pool is on a rooftop, in a garden. Instead of umbrellas there were grape trellises covered in fabric. It was just gorgeous!
- Going dancing every night. Such a typical tourist thing but so fun. This included my first time dancing on a platform. Not something I expected out of my time in Cambodia! (oh and I got to salsa some with Michael, made me miss Whitworth!)
- While dancing on one of those nights being proposed to be a Khmer man. It went something like this:
Oh you speak beautiful Khmer, do you want to stay in Cambodia forever.
Um I'm not sure yet.
Well if you do, you could marry me.
Oh, uh, no thanks.
All of this happened in Khmer. Getting hit on in another language is kind of a trip because you can't completely understand what the guy is saying, so you just nod along and laugh a lot- which equals flirting back- the exact opposite of you intentions. Seriously though, he was totally nice and not creepy at all. And I won the bet we had going between us girls on who would be proposed to first.
- Bonding with the other 3 SALTers even more than we already have. It was so fun to vacate our Phnom Penh life, even though that life is exactly stressful or that busy. Just a chance to forget about cultural differences for a few days.
- Sleeping in an air conditioned room- I can't remember the last time I was cold while I slept.
- Spending 1 whole day lying around reading, a day in which I changed back into my PJs twice
- And of course, seeing the temples. We saw the 5 most popular. There are something like 200 in the province, but only 30 something are accessible because of jungle and land mines. My favorite as Ta Prohm, the jungle temple. (also the place tomb raider was filmed) We are able to go inside the temples as well which I wasn't expecting. Probably the thing that really made the day memorable though was our guide. We requested a guide who the hotel recommended. Then, within 10 minutes of starting the tour this guy just begins a long day of dirty jokes and innuendos about dating us girls. Seriously probably the most sex deprived person I've ever met. It was partly hilarious, partly unbelievable, and partly uncomfortable. I'm guessing he just assumed all American women are loose and like that kind of talk. The highlight was probably "The snake in the trousers is more dangerous than the snake in the wood because the snake in the woods gets scared but the snake in the trousers never gets scared or tired." (Throughout this sentence he was gesturing at Michael's pants) This pretty much has all of us laughing so hard and so uncomfortably that we were practically crying. And this is only one of the gems he left us with. Definitely not the tour we were expecting, but totally memorable nevertheless.
Overall, a lovely vacation. I'll actually be back in Siem Riep in 2 weeks for a conference, but that trip will look a lot different. Less dancing, more living at a Jesuit retreat center and listening to lectures.
Missing everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)