The Meaning of a 3 Month Slump

All of the many "How to Live Overseas" type books I have read recently agree that at around the 3 month mark you will typically have a slump. Life overseas can be an exercise in living on a roller coaster at times, but for the last month or so I have felt pretty steady and content. Recently though, I have hit this textbook slump.

According to Google, a slump is a heavy or helpless collapse, to fall suddenly or heavily, or a deterioration in quality or performance.

I would say a slump in life overseas is the point when things stop being new and exciting. When you realize work here can be just as boring, stressful, or frustrating as a job at home. When you start to actual look forward to weekends and vacation because you need a break just like in life at home. When this steady routine leaves time for homesickness to creep in.

I am definitely not miserable in any sense of the word. At least once a day, I am overwhelmed by how blessed I am to be here, how much I love this life, and how beautiful cross cultural relationships can be. The thing is, part of this journey is facing your loneliness, your insecurities, your fears- learning to rely on God in another context. Another SALTer just reminded me that we prayed to be made uncomfortable, to be challenged and to grow so how can we turn away when these very things happen?

Its true that all my same baggage and issues followed me right here to Cambodia. The issues that can make life rocky here are the same as the ones at home. Insecurities still creep in to steal my joy. A negative self image still makes me doubt how friends really feel about me. In fact, I would say these issues are actually enlarged here- where my normal escapes are absent. So, I am forced to carry these pains to God in a whole new way. I am forced to say "Jesus, I do not know how to deal with this. I do not know how to change. I cannot feel your love in this moment, but I still believe in it." Learning how to do this is an ongoing challenge and by no means something I have figured out.

So, quite against my natural instincts, I am learning to live in ambiguity. I am learning to leave each day and not worry about the big issues. I am learning to trust in a God who is bigger than me. I am learning to live in my own brokeness and need for God, rather than covering it up in striving to "have it together." Life here seems to require nothing less. Simultaneously, I am looking forward to a vacation at the end of the month where I can hopefully forget I am in Cambodia for awhile and just take a break. Such is life.

So I end with two moments that make all this worth it:
1) My day yesterday: Shopping for fabric with the MCC girls to get clothes made incredibly cheap. Eating a delicious Western lunch and dessert. Having the best massage ever for only 10 bucks. Laughing a lot. Having a friend remind me that I am loved. A great day.

2) This morning: Went to church with my sister, Phealy. Ate breakfast and chatted about boys and work and life and music videos. Worshiped in a language I cannot understand really, but still felt the presence of God deeply in the room. Felt like part of the family.

So this is my 3 month slump. I am slowly figuring it out. I write all this not for sympathy really, but in the hope that all of you at home will know that living overseas is mostly just doing regular life. Ups and downs. Exciting, boring, joyful, silly, frustrating, exhausting, stressful, hopeful, everything.

So thats an update on whats going on inside my head : )