Personality musings

Last week, MCC did a training session on Meyers Briggs personality types. This is a personality test the gives you four letters representing your type. E or I- extrovert or introvert, N or S- intuition or sensing (how do you gather information?), T or F- thinking or feeling (how do you make decisions?), and P or J- perceiving or judgment (how do you like to organize your world?).

I am an ENFJ- Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, Judgment. Simply put this means that I gain energy from being with people, that I am more likely to gather information and make decisions based on my emotions and not analytical thinking, and that I'm organized and a linear thinker. As the staff read their descriptions, we all laughed at how accurate they were. Of course, no personality test is an absolute but I do like this one. Mine did say that I like working with different kinds of people and will seek out opportunities to work internationally!

One of my main struggles in Cambodia, and in life, has been learning to say I like me for me. So after reading about my personality type and facing myself in a whole new context this is what I know about myself now more than ever:

- I will always and forever be a Tacoma girl. I am a city person. I love the diversity of my home. I have deep roots and as much as a I travel and live elsewhere, I will never lose them.
- My family makes me, me. They are solid ground for me. What would I be without conversations while we make dinner, early morning card games on camping trips, constant laughing and talking and togetherness, a place to run when the world gets overwhelming?
- I would rather be with people, in real relationship, than anywhere else. I have lifelong friends that I can rely on for anything, even when 10,000 miles separate us. Being known and really knowing others is when I most feel like me. And I'd do anything for those people.
- I am something of a chicken. I am afraid of birds, rejection, driving vehicles with two wheels- but I'll do anything if I feel like someone is watching out for me. Probably something I inherited for having a great Dad who has always gotten me to be a little bit more adventurous than normal, but was also always holding my hand to make sure I didn't fall.
-I thrive on conversation. Deep one on one talks. Laughing and joking in a group. Arguing politics and global issues even when there's no answers.
- All you have to do to make me trust you is ask my how I'm feeling if I look upset. And I will do the same for you, even if this isn't what you want when you're upset. I just want you to know I care.
- I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, confide in people easily, and not hide my emotions well at all. If I get unusually quiet, I am upset.
- I love swimming, traveling, dancing, camping trips, getting dressed up with the girls, playing cards, coffee, making other people feel loved, and those nights that you expect to be uneventful but end up being the best night ever
- I have learned and am still learning how to trust, love, and believe in Jesus in a world that is full of pain. I don't quite understand it, but more and more I believe He is active in this world. Comforting us, seeking us, His heart breaking over tears cried behind closed doors.
- The way I see myself seems to be left over from a middle school version of me and its not what other people see at all. If you asked me, and I actually answered honestly, I would describe myself as insecure, quiet, a follower not a leader, afraid, usually unwanted. I'm just beginning to see that these things are not me anymore. I don't even know how to change this long time mindset, to begin seeing myself clearly.

Today in the face of being away from home at Christmas, missing traditions, reveling in new adventures and friendships, having people close to me hurting, in a life filled with uncertainty and ambiguity- I want to say all those cheesy things people say to each other about loving yourself, dancing like no one is watching, loving like there's no tomorrow, shining like a firework- they are all true. The reason we repeat them to each other is because they strike something in all of us. And we've got to hold on to that love and confidence.

Next Post: My expat, Cambodian Christmas and vacation