Who I Want to Be

Sometimes I feel the need to write a damn-it-all-to-hell, I will survive poem.

These usually aren't my best days. Days spent vainly searching for inspirational quotes on the internet and wondering how much I can talk to other people without appearing too needy. Days where I feel overwhelmed by my emotions and disconnected from my real self. Days where my living-overseas-vulnerability catches up with me and blows things out of proportion.

But sometimes I need to declare I will make it- if only for me to hear.

Do you hear me World? I will make it.
I'm stronger than you think.
I'm worth more than you think. . . And more than I sometimes think.
I won't settle for less than I am worth.
I won't see my dreams forgotten or laid aside.
I refuse to leave behind my ideals.
World- I won't listen to your expectations- career, husband, house, security.
Money- I won't be deceived by your promises.
Cynicism- I won't give into your bitterness.

Cynicism, bitterness, resignation, passivity - they are the easy way out.
Its easier to give up than it is to dream.
Its easier to complain than it is to make change.
Its easier to float through life than it is to make a stand.
Its easier to resign yourself to how life beats you down than it is to have faith in the face of all odds.

No--

I choose to cling to good thoughts, to hope, to dreams.
I will surround myself with inspiring people, people who remind me to run my race with passion, not complacency.
I will live my life with purpose.

I may be fragile, I may be young, but I have strength you don't know about.
Strength that had changed lives, healed hearts, raised the dead, and saved us all.

I will stumble, but I will recover.
I will lose faith, but I will be restored in love.
I will make mistakes, but there is always grace.
I will accept the consequences of my decisions, because they are my choices to make.
I will long for security, but I will learn to find in the only place it really exists- in Christ.


And I will keep going forward, because fear will not control my life.
I am a new creation.