Personality musings

Last week, MCC did a training session on Meyers Briggs personality types. This is a personality test the gives you four letters representing your type. E or I- extrovert or introvert, N or S- intuition or sensing (how do you gather information?), T or F- thinking or feeling (how do you make decisions?), and P or J- perceiving or judgment (how do you like to organize your world?).

I am an ENFJ- Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, Judgment. Simply put this means that I gain energy from being with people, that I am more likely to gather information and make decisions based on my emotions and not analytical thinking, and that I'm organized and a linear thinker. As the staff read their descriptions, we all laughed at how accurate they were. Of course, no personality test is an absolute but I do like this one. Mine did say that I like working with different kinds of people and will seek out opportunities to work internationally!

One of my main struggles in Cambodia, and in life, has been learning to say I like me for me. So after reading about my personality type and facing myself in a whole new context this is what I know about myself now more than ever:

- I will always and forever be a Tacoma girl. I am a city person. I love the diversity of my home. I have deep roots and as much as a I travel and live elsewhere, I will never lose them.
- My family makes me, me. They are solid ground for me. What would I be without conversations while we make dinner, early morning card games on camping trips, constant laughing and talking and togetherness, a place to run when the world gets overwhelming?
- I would rather be with people, in real relationship, than anywhere else. I have lifelong friends that I can rely on for anything, even when 10,000 miles separate us. Being known and really knowing others is when I most feel like me. And I'd do anything for those people.
- I am something of a chicken. I am afraid of birds, rejection, driving vehicles with two wheels- but I'll do anything if I feel like someone is watching out for me. Probably something I inherited for having a great Dad who has always gotten me to be a little bit more adventurous than normal, but was also always holding my hand to make sure I didn't fall.
-I thrive on conversation. Deep one on one talks. Laughing and joking in a group. Arguing politics and global issues even when there's no answers.
- All you have to do to make me trust you is ask my how I'm feeling if I look upset. And I will do the same for you, even if this isn't what you want when you're upset. I just want you to know I care.
- I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, confide in people easily, and not hide my emotions well at all. If I get unusually quiet, I am upset.
- I love swimming, traveling, dancing, camping trips, getting dressed up with the girls, playing cards, coffee, making other people feel loved, and those nights that you expect to be uneventful but end up being the best night ever
- I have learned and am still learning how to trust, love, and believe in Jesus in a world that is full of pain. I don't quite understand it, but more and more I believe He is active in this world. Comforting us, seeking us, His heart breaking over tears cried behind closed doors.
- The way I see myself seems to be left over from a middle school version of me and its not what other people see at all. If you asked me, and I actually answered honestly, I would describe myself as insecure, quiet, a follower not a leader, afraid, usually unwanted. I'm just beginning to see that these things are not me anymore. I don't even know how to change this long time mindset, to begin seeing myself clearly.

Today in the face of being away from home at Christmas, missing traditions, reveling in new adventures and friendships, having people close to me hurting, in a life filled with uncertainty and ambiguity- I want to say all those cheesy things people say to each other about loving yourself, dancing like no one is watching, loving like there's no tomorrow, shining like a firework- they are all true. The reason we repeat them to each other is because they strike something in all of us. And we've got to hold on to that love and confidence.

Next Post: My expat, Cambodian Christmas and vacation

Odd and Ends

Today I feel like writing, but there is no major event to report on. So instead, I am offering up a list:

• Last Friday was my last day of Khmer class. Though I am by no means fluent, I am ready to be done. Its difficult to keep up the energy for it after 3 months, day in day out. I told my sisters that they have to force me to speak more Khmer at home so I do not lose anything I have learned. I do not know if my vocabulary will increase at this point, but I hope that by the end of the year my conversation skills will be more smooth and natural.
  

• The end of language class means that I will finally start working full time at Peace Bridges. Well, at least 30 hours a week. I realize I have not said anything about my job lately. After toiling away for most of November on a qualitative research proposal, my supervisor and I came to the joint conclusion that that project just was not going to work. A little disappointing after so much work, but also kind of a relief because I was definitely in over my head. So now, I am doing a quantitative research evaluation project. A little more manageable. I am working on writing the survey so it can be translated. Its slowly coming together. The plan is the administer the survey in early February. Also, a new Khmer co-worker just started work in our Research, Monitoring, and Evaluation Unit. He really knows what he is doing, probably more than I do. He has been a great help- with the project and also with Khmer and English practice. Overall, the job is good. Its a little too much sitting at a computer time for my taste, but its a good experience. Plus, if I am going to do research, I am glad I am doing it for an organization I believe in. And this kind of capacity building is exactly what Cambodia needs from expats right now.
  

• Being away from home in December does kind of suck. (Of course when I think about the fact that for the last 4 years, I have been taking finals during this week, I am pretty glad to be here!) I miss being home for our family traditions and even the cold weather. On the other hand, it does not really feel like Christmas here, so its easy to carry on with life without being too homesick. (at least so far) My plan is to absolutely not expect it to feel like Christmas at home and just enjoy it for what it will be. Christmas festivities so far have included a day of baking cookies and decorating the tree in the office. On Christmas Eve night, a bunch of people from MCC are having a sleep over and then Christmas breakfast together. Then, the day after Christmas, I leave for a week of vacation- half at the beach and half in Siem Riep. It will not be as good as a family Christmas, but I am happy to share it with my expat family here in Phnom Penh.

• I also wanted to say a little about my church life here. On Sunday mornings, I attend a Khmer church with my sister. Although I really cannot ever follow the sermon, I do really enjoy the service. I love feeling Gods presence so deeply when I cannot even understand the words to the song we are singing. Its a really beautiful experience. And next week I am participating in the Christmas program. I would never, ever agree to sing in front of people at home, but here it seems like a worthwhile way to be a part of the church. And its not a solo or anything! There are a couple of people at the church that I am getting to know a little which feels really wonderful. On Sunday nights, I have started going to a expat house church. It has taken awhile to settle in with this group, but I am starting to get to know people. The community reminds me a lot of my small group in Spokane last year. In fact, my wonderful experience last year led me to seek at a similar group here. Its a good way to meet more people, build intentional relationships, and just have the opportunity to worship in language I understand completely. As I settle into a routine here, my spiritual life is settling in also. What I mean is that at first, with so much rapid change, my brain felt scattered, but now I am returning to my normal equilibrium and both these churches play a big role in that process.

Well, thats all for now. I hope all of you are enjoying cuddling up with hot chocolate and seeing Christmas lights. Because I am missing out on those things now, I give you permission to feel a little sad for me. But when I am lying on a beach in 90 degree weather on December 26th, I will return the favor and feel a little sad for you : )

The Meaning of a 3 Month Slump

All of the many "How to Live Overseas" type books I have read recently agree that at around the 3 month mark you will typically have a slump. Life overseas can be an exercise in living on a roller coaster at times, but for the last month or so I have felt pretty steady and content. Recently though, I have hit this textbook slump.

According to Google, a slump is a heavy or helpless collapse, to fall suddenly or heavily, or a deterioration in quality or performance.

I would say a slump in life overseas is the point when things stop being new and exciting. When you realize work here can be just as boring, stressful, or frustrating as a job at home. When you start to actual look forward to weekends and vacation because you need a break just like in life at home. When this steady routine leaves time for homesickness to creep in.

I am definitely not miserable in any sense of the word. At least once a day, I am overwhelmed by how blessed I am to be here, how much I love this life, and how beautiful cross cultural relationships can be. The thing is, part of this journey is facing your loneliness, your insecurities, your fears- learning to rely on God in another context. Another SALTer just reminded me that we prayed to be made uncomfortable, to be challenged and to grow so how can we turn away when these very things happen?

Its true that all my same baggage and issues followed me right here to Cambodia. The issues that can make life rocky here are the same as the ones at home. Insecurities still creep in to steal my joy. A negative self image still makes me doubt how friends really feel about me. In fact, I would say these issues are actually enlarged here- where my normal escapes are absent. So, I am forced to carry these pains to God in a whole new way. I am forced to say "Jesus, I do not know how to deal with this. I do not know how to change. I cannot feel your love in this moment, but I still believe in it." Learning how to do this is an ongoing challenge and by no means something I have figured out.

So, quite against my natural instincts, I am learning to live in ambiguity. I am learning to leave each day and not worry about the big issues. I am learning to trust in a God who is bigger than me. I am learning to live in my own brokeness and need for God, rather than covering it up in striving to "have it together." Life here seems to require nothing less. Simultaneously, I am looking forward to a vacation at the end of the month where I can hopefully forget I am in Cambodia for awhile and just take a break. Such is life.

So I end with two moments that make all this worth it:
1) My day yesterday: Shopping for fabric with the MCC girls to get clothes made incredibly cheap. Eating a delicious Western lunch and dessert. Having the best massage ever for only 10 bucks. Laughing a lot. Having a friend remind me that I am loved. A great day.

2) This morning: Went to church with my sister, Phealy. Ate breakfast and chatted about boys and work and life and music videos. Worshiped in a language I cannot understand really, but still felt the presence of God deeply in the room. Felt like part of the family.

So this is my 3 month slump. I am slowly figuring it out. I write all this not for sympathy really, but in the hope that all of you at home will know that living overseas is mostly just doing regular life. Ups and downs. Exciting, boring, joyful, silly, frustrating, exhausting, stressful, hopeful, everything.

So thats an update on whats going on inside my head : )

Water Festival

What a crazy week! On Sunday through Monday this week, Cambodia celebrated Water Festival (or in Khmer 'bon ohm tuuk') the biggest holiday of the year. The Festival celebrates the day at the end of rainy season when the Tonle Sap River reverses its flow. Cambodia is the only place in the world this happens. The Festival honors the river and how it really provides life in Cambodia- water, the ability to grow rice, etc. Phnom Penh fills with people (like 2 million more than normal) and there are boat races on the river. Each province has one or two boat teams. The boats are something like big canoes, except that they hold about 70 rowers. As you may have heard, this year's Water Festival ended with tragedy, but I will come to that later.

I decided to spend this four day weekend with my host family. First, on Friday night, my sisters and I went out dancing. I have never stayed out so late in Phnom Penh. The place we went was half awesome and half cheesy 80s lounge. I was 1 of two foreigners in the place. We actually didn't dance too much because it was crowded and my sisters were shy, but the night did end with the 4 of us on the dance floor rocking out to Justin Bieber. A night to remember!

On Saturday, we had a birthday party for my little 2 year old host nephew. My sisters spent all day cooking. The house was completely full of people. Fortunately, I did know a lot of them from our church. Again, a pretty great evening.

On Sunday night, we decided to go to see fireworks at the riverside. So my sisters, our pastor and his mother and son, another MCCer, and I headed downtown for Water Festival. The crowd was crazy- felt just as big as when I went to the inauguration and that was 2 million people. We made our way to the front (as a side note, for the first time in my life in Cambodia I can actually see over crowds to some degree. I'm not tall here, but I'm at least not below average anymore!) and the longest fireworks display I have ever seen started up. As the fireworks exploded overhead, big boats covered in lights floated by on the river. It reminded me of the night light parade at Disney World. Each boat represented a government department. They were gorgeous- a million lights dancing a long the water. A new boat made to represent Phnom Penh had Wat Phnom on it, the founding temple of the city. That one was my favorite. As it ended, all of us made our way out of the crowd (took at least 45 minutes). Then, we got stuck in crazy traffic trying to get home. But still, it was so beautiful and so great to be with my sisters, that I'm really glad I stayed in town for my one and only Water Festival.

Now comes the sad part of the story. On Monday night, the last night of the Festival, while I slept safely in my bed, nearly 400 people were killed in stampede at the riverside. Everyone was leaving a island in the river by way of a very narrow bridge. No one seems to know quite what caused it, but people panicked, pushing in both directions on the bridge. Around 400 died and at least 750 were injured. I've been on this bridge, I think it would fill 'full' if 100 people were on it. My sisters woke me on 4 AM on Tuesday morning to watch the news. Its a surreal experience to be pulled out of bed to the cry 'something bad happened!' and ask 'where?' in return and hear a location 2 miles away. And then, to watch the news in a language I can't really understand while my sisters called everyone they knew to make sure they were okay. I have to say, it felt the same way I did on Sept 11th- that early morning fear, that not knowing. And for Cambodia, this disaster is on the scale of that day for the U.S. (Of course, without the war fever)

It has also been interesting to see how Cambodia choose to mourn this loss. For the last 2 nights, outside every house and at the bridge itself people have been leaving offerings- incense, bananas, money, candles. . . all given to the spirits of those who died in the hope they won't haunt the city. The price of bananas has more than quadrupled. The government declared today a national day of mourning. My sisters said they think the island will close permanently because no one will want to go to a place so full of the dead. Even my family, who did not lose anyone, is more subdued than normal. Its such a human question- how do we mourn well? What does it mean to grieve? I have to say I feel somewhat disconnected from it. I am sad for the families that loss someone, but I also feel some distance from it. I'm not feeling it in the same way as a Cambodian. Maybe that's just a survival mechanism. Maybe its because today is also Thanksgiving and I want to feel good to ward off homesickness. At the same time, in the U.S. we see things like this on the news all the time, bad things that happen in far away places, but this time for me, I'm in it. The people who died can't be so easily forgotten. And that's probably a good lesson for all of us. Even when tragedy happens far from home, it still matters, its still very real and personal to someone.

So I enjoyed Water Festival and at the same time, I mourn along with this country. I liked bonding with my sisters over holiday celebrations. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Enjoy turkey and good black friday sales. I'm spending the day with friends, eating at a restaurant buffet, and having a sleepover. It strangely doesn't feel like Thanksgiving- the weather is too hot, and I'm not with any of you. But that keeps me from being too homesick and I'll enjoy this Thanksgiving for what it is- an expat celebration : )

Instant Immersion

For the last 3 months, my daily routine has involved a one hour language lesson five days a week. Obviously a commitment to expats learning the language is key to good development work in any foreign country. At the beginning, the whole process was really overwhelming. At this point, we only have 2 weeks of language class left. SALTers in other parts of the world did not get nearly as much language as us, so we're really lucky. The structure of Khmer is relatively easy- not conjugation, no plurals, but the sound and cadence of speech are really difficult. So different that English and other European languages. Learning the language has been rewarding and challenging.

So now, after nearly 3 months of class, am I fluent? No. Am I conversational? Maybe, if the person speaks slowly and is willing to laugh with me when I have no idea what they are saying. Do I have survival Khmer? Definitely. I feel like I could go anywhere in the city, buy anything, talk to anyone and get my point across. Am I still shy is using my language skills? Yes, especially in groups where everyone talks a mile a minute and I can't see their lips moving. I have definitely developed the skill of zoning out completely while everyone chats around me. ha ha

At home, I tend to speak a lot of English with my host family. They all want to practice their English and they're all really good. Plus, its so much easier for me to get to know them this way. But, at the moment, we have relatives from the province in our house for Water Festival (a major holiday this weekend that I will write about after it happens) and they don't speak English. My host mom, a friend of the family, and a niece. Last night I got home and only the mom and the friend were in the house. Rather than retreating to my room, I decided to dive in. I spent 2 hours chatting with them. I couldn't believe it. I didn't understand anything, but we were able to communicate. We talked about their children, what I do here, my learning Khmer, and even how I should get married soon. (I'm pretty sure my host mom is willing to set me up, she was pretty adamant I have some children soon. : ) This is pretty normal considering 22 is getting old to not be married yet for Cambodian women)

I have to admit, I still feel so surprised when I can communicate easily. It seems like after only 3 months, that should be impossible. It was such a nice night. They even started teaching me how to write (something I won't be learning in class, only speaking). Sometimes when relatives come to visit, I feel like I'm on display. People from the countryside are not used to seeing foreigners at all and I can be something of a spectacle. But on nights like last night, I love the opportunity to get closer to Cambodians. I've never been someone whose good at learning languages, but even the little success I've had here is so rewarding. People appreciate it so much when you take the time to learn the language.

So those are my thoughts on learning a language by immersion. Its an experience everyone should try once in their lives. When I get back to the states, I will have to find some Khmer people to chat with so I don't lose the skill!

Cambodian Folk Tales

As part of a language lesson this week, I learned the story of the "Rabbit who eats Bananas." (Yes in Cambodia rabbits don't like carrots, they like bananas) So this is a story that all little Cambodian children know. (And, believe it or not, I could tell you the whole thing in Khmer!)

Once, an old Grandma was walking through the forest to get to the market. At the market she bought a basket full of bananas. She put the basket on her head and started home. A rabbit in the forest saw the lady walking with her bananas. He decided he was really hungry and needed those bananas. So, he went into the middle of the road and pretended to be dead. The old lady came upon the 'dead' rabbit and thought- yum a delicious meal. So, she put the rabbit in her banana basket. The rabbit carefully ate all the bananas, leaving only the peels. When the lady walked near a bush, the rabbit jumped out and disappeared into the forest. When the lady arrived home, she looked into the basket and saw that the rabbit and all the bananas were gone! She was very angry and yelled "the rabbit cheated me!"

In Cambodian folklore the rabbit is always the most clever animal. The rabbit is always the judge character in stories. After reading this story in Khmer, our language teacher told us another story about the rabbit and the snail.

The rabbit and the snail decided to race around a big lake. The rabbit was very clever and knew that he could beat a slow snail. So they both started running. Every once in a while the rabbit called out 'where are you snail?' and somehow the snail was always in front of him! The rabbit could not figure it out! It turns out that there was more than one snail in the lake. Every time the rabbit called out, a snail just ahead of him answered. So, even though the snail was slow, he won the race because he was clever.

I told our teacher the tortoise and the hare story this morning. The Cambodia story definitely teaches a different lesson!

Independence Day

Yesterday, I celebrated Cambodia's independence from France with a Tuesday off from work. Apparently Cambodia doesn't do that the holiday's during the week, lets take friday/monday off sort of thing. However, having a Tuesday off made me realize that people should probably get a random day off during the week every week. I mean seriously, what's better than that?

Anyway, the celebration: This holiday marked a rare day where none of my sisters nor I had to work or go to school. After making chow mein together (my sister joked we were being Chinese on a Khmer holiday), we headed to the Phnom Penh Sports Club to go swimming. 5 bucks later and I discovered an awesome lap pool, lounging chairs, a jacuzzi, and a steam room. I had a great time getting some exercise (not an easy thing to do here) and teaching 2 of my sisters how to swim. They both can swim enough not to drown, but they are still afraid of the water. I'm so grateful for my family. Even though language and culture and 10,000 miles divide us, I'm a part of the family. They take the time to explain my presence to the million people who ask them about me. Last week, one sister told me that I filled the place of their sister who is in America with MCC this year. She also said she already knew she would miss me when I left. How great is that? It teaches me a few lessons about love and hospitality, that's for sure. What I'm trying to say is that, relationships that happen cross culturally, against all odds, are beautiful. I just love feeling their love for me.

After swimming, we grabbed dinner at the market- a pho like soup, but with Khmer noodles. (short, thick, and white) Then we headed to the riverside to watch fireworks. The traffic was incredible, everyone was doing the same thing as us. As I rode on the back of Phealy's moto, I was so happy to be safe with her. I could rely on her driving skills and take in the scenery. After a pretty impressive fireworks display, we headed to a place a ton of young people hang out and dance every night. In a big open space by some statues and fountains, people set up speakers and lead dance/aerobic classes. Tons of people join in, paying about 25 cents to dance along. There must have been 8 or 9 groups of 50, 60 people each dancing to every Korean pop song I've ever heard. The place was more packed than usual because of the holiday. It was such a rush to be in the crowd, feeling like a cool foreigner because I had a Khmer family. We didn't dance (my sisters were too nervous about people watching them) but enjoyed the music and walked around. As I looked at these hundreds of young people, I realized that this is the generation that will see Cambodia developed. This is the first generation to have opportunities in a long, long time. I totally believe they will change Cambodia. The energy was just irresistible.

Its hard to describe the whole scene, but let me end by saying that the word Cambodia brings a lot of different things to mind for people- genocide, poverty, war, refugees, or maybe nothing at all or maybe "is that in Africa somewhere?" but Cambodia is also youth and energy and hope and change and a future. Standing in the middle of that crowd last night, I got a beautiful glimpse of all the good things Cambodia is and will be.

And seriously any country where the plot of any of the Step Up movies could actually happen should probably be a world power. . . : )

Early Morning Thoughts

Today I woke up at 5:30 am to make it to a skype date with my dad. Now, I've become more of an early riser since I've been here, the heat chases me out of bed by 8 even on days I can sleep in, but 5:30 is no laughing matter. I headed to the bathroom to take a freezing cold shower. Not having hot water doesn't really matter at 6:30 when its starting to heat up, but a 5:30 cold shower is no way to start a day.

But then, I looked out the window. For the first time in Cambodia, I saw the sunrise. And I've never seen anything like it. If I hadn't been standing their in a towel, I definitely would have ran for my camera. The whole sky was pink and bright and gorgeous. As I sat there staring, I started thinking that no one is even watching this amazing show. People are just begrudgingly getting out of bed, getting kids ready for school, thinking about what they need to buy at the market. . . all this extravagant beauty is a forgotten background to busy lives. How amazing is it that God spends so much time creating beautiful things that people do not even notice?

There is a God so good, so big, so beautiful that He cares about the little things in our lives. Even what to us is only background noise. For me, today's sunrise shouted "the world may be fallen and broken, but all of nature is longing for and looking forward to that day when all will be restored, all will be made new, and the world and its people will be free of pain, pollution, and violence."

So it turns out that 5:30 isn't always a miserable time to wake up. And skyping with my dad was wonderful too : )

I've been wanting to share a prayer that we prayed at orientation with all of you. I've been coming back to it again and again in my journal. It's based on the fruits of the Spirit and I'm not sure quite where it came from, but I really love it:

I choose love. . . No occasion justifies hatred, no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. This year I will love God and what God loves.

I choose joy . . . I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical. . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose peace. . . I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose patience. . . I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite her to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose kindness. . . I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness. . . I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I choose faithfulness. . . This year I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My family will not question my love and they will never fear that I will not come home.

I choose gentleness. . . Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose self control. . . I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. To these we commit our year. If we succeed, we will give thanks. If we fail, we will seek grace. And then, when the year is done, we will place our heads on our pillows and rest.

Hugs to you all : )

End of October Thoughts

It's hard to believe today is already October 30th. The weather here isn't getting much colder and no leaves are turning red and gorgeous, so November kind of snuck up on me this year. Yesterday, Liz, LynAnne, and I spent the day laying by a pool at a nice hotel. (Thanks to Coronation Day, yet another national holiday in Cambodia) Our conversation drifted toward the subject of how we've grown so far this year and if that growth has been what we expected. You see, here in Cambodia we are not living in an isolated village with no running water or even no internet. I check my facebook everyday. I have a western style bathroom in my house. I can get any American food I want, whenever I want it. As we read the blogs of other SALTers in more remote locations, I think we all start to question the "authenticity" of our experience. Are we missing out on personal growth because we can go sit in a coffee shop whenever we want?

After chatting about this with the girls, I sat down this morning to think about how I have grown so far this year. Of course, it is way to early to predict what the rest of the year will look like. I have to admit I haven't been doing too much of this kind of thinking here. For one, life here takes extra energy most of the time and by the end of the day, I'm usually ready to crash. Second, though I am feeling more and more at home here, part of me is still a little disconnected from myself. So many of the things that I before considered a part of me, just don't really work here (For example, having a busy social calendar- here my social circle is small, and wonderful, and life simply has a more laid back pace). So, when it comes to personal growth, what I've learned can really be summed up in one main point:

I'm learning how to be comfortable being me. If you know me, you know I tend to have a pretty skewed view of myself. A bad habit lingering from pre teen days of self consciousness, comparison, and shyness. Here in Cambodia, I'm finding out that I am capable. I can adjust here and figure things out. I can meet all new people and build relationships. I can trust in a God who is bigger than I understand. Mainly, I can relax and be myself in a new way. Life here takes too much energy to spend time analyzing if people really like me or worrying about the future. This frees me to simply live life. This attitude really opens my eyes to the love all around me. These are all things I'm still just learning, but maybe by the end of the year this new way of thinking will have really sunk in.

So for now my conclusion about having too many conveniences is that God called me to Phnom Penh, not a small village somewhere. I'm here for a purpose. A purpose for me, and I hope a purpose for others. As a side note, people go to serve overseas, but I find I'm being given far more than I have to offer. Its incredibly humbling and brings up all sorts of questions for me about international NGO work (I think I'll wait on those for another post). I think if I spend too much time worrying if I am having 'the right' experience this year, I could miss out having my experience, whatever it is and will be. Of course, this question of having too many conveniences is worth taking out and examining again once and awhile. I never want to spend so much time living in an American bubble in Phnom Penh, that I'm not engaging in Cambodian culture. I have a lifetime to live in America and only 1 year in Cambodia.

So that's my deep thoughts for now. I thought I should give you all a little more insight into what's going on in my head : )

Peace Building Conference

I spent last week at the Action Asia Peace Building Forum. Action Asia is a network of peace builders across Asia that came together about 10 years ago for mutual information sharing, encouragement, and resource sharing. Every 2 years they have a forum somewhere in Asia. This year's theme was Transforming Our Woundedness For Peace.

The forum consisted of a key note speaker and a ton of workshops focused on different countries. Because of the theme, a lot of people shared the story of their personal journey toward peace building. Also, one day we went to visit a floating village and the Cambodian Cultural Village. In the floating village (on the water for 6 months a year) we met with their community organization to hear about what they are doing to lessen poverty in the community. The Cultural Village is a tourist attraction with a ton of Khmer and ethnic minority dancing shows. They also enacted a traditional Khmer wedding. It was great because they pulled people out of the audience to play roles in the show.

The best part of the conference was being so warmly welcomed by these incredible people that I instantly admired. I was treated like one of them even though I don't have any experience. I met a ton of people who kept saying 'here's my card, if you come to India/Nepal/Myanmar/Indonesia/Philippines call me' So wonderful. I also met some people who work in Phnom Penh, Cambodians and expats. I look forward to building those relationships. My boss from Peace Bridges was also there, so I got a chance to get to know him better as well.

Anyway, it was a wonderful week that filled my brain with so many new thoughts and questions its hard to even process to write about it on here. Another great week in Cambodia.

Random Thoughts

Last week I was struck down by my first major illness in Cambodia. Nothing uniquely tropical, just the stomach flu. Yuck. There's nothing like being 10,000 miles from home wishing your mom could take care of you. I'm back up to about 75% now after pretty much sleeping for 4 days. This is a summary of my reflections from four days sitting alone watching TV.

I spent the first 2 days holed up in the MCC office, too sick to go home. I did spend the last 2 days at home though. I think it was actually really good for me to be with my host family when I couldn't be exciting or energetic or engaging. I just had to be me, even grumpy, sick me. Strangely enough, I think this was good for my relationship with my family because in real life, not every day is a banner day. I was a part of the family even when I didn't have a lot to offer to the conversation. It felt nice to just relax with them. Also, I felt really cared for and loved.

This sickness also forced me to reflect upon some of the areas I have been fighting God lately. I feel like God and I have been having an ongoing argument about His goodness and control for at least the last 6 months. Sometime during the last few days I finally hit a point of just letting go. Its a good thing to believe in a God who is bigger, stronger, wiser, and lovelier than I am. I'm okay with not knowing, not understanding, not being in control, as long as He is. I can believe in a good God who both gives and takes away. It seems like a small thing when I write it here, but it feels like a big step. I can only be me- not a perfect, super human. And I'm enough, just as I am. Jesus already loves me. I need and love Him, He loves and wants me. That's enough. Talk about peace.

Tomorrow, I head back to Siem Riep for an Asia-wide conference on peacebuilding. Should be fun, interesting, and a nice break from routine. It makes me feel so professional! Hopefully, my body is up to snuff so I can actually concentrate in the sessions!

Siem Riep and Angkor Wat

Hello all,

I've just returned from a vacation in Siem Riep, a province about 6 hours north of Phnom Penh. Siem Riep happens to be the location of the ancient temples of the Angkorian Empire, the Khmer society that ruled all of SE Asia about 1000 years ago. The 4 of us SALTers headed out last Wednesday planning on seeing the temples, relaxing, and enjoying being tourists. I had a great time and pictures are coming soon I promise (on facebook or on here). Here are some highlights

- Laying by a pool at a super fancy hotel that we didn't stay at because its way out of our budget. The pool is on a rooftop, in a garden. Instead of umbrellas there were grape trellises covered in fabric. It was just gorgeous!
- Going dancing every night. Such a typical tourist thing but so fun. This included my first time dancing on a platform. Not something I expected out of my time in Cambodia! (oh and I got to salsa some with Michael, made me miss Whitworth!)
- While dancing on one of those nights being proposed to be a Khmer man. It went something like this:
Oh you speak beautiful Khmer, do you want to stay in Cambodia forever.
Um I'm not sure yet.
Well if you do, you could marry me.
Oh, uh, no thanks.
All of this happened in Khmer. Getting hit on in another language is kind of a trip because you can't completely understand what the guy is saying, so you just nod along and laugh a lot- which equals flirting back- the exact opposite of you intentions. Seriously though, he was totally nice and not creepy at all. And I won the bet we had going between us girls on who would be proposed to first.
- Bonding with the other 3 SALTers even more than we already have. It was so fun to vacate our Phnom Penh life, even though that life is exactly stressful or that busy. Just a chance to forget about cultural differences for a few days.
- Sleeping in an air conditioned room- I can't remember the last time I was cold while I slept.
- Spending 1 whole day lying around reading, a day in which I changed back into my PJs twice
- And of course, seeing the temples. We saw the 5 most popular. There are something like 200 in the province, but only 30 something are accessible because of jungle and land mines. My favorite as Ta Prohm, the jungle temple. (also the place tomb raider was filmed) We are able to go inside the temples as well which I wasn't expecting. Probably the thing that really made the day memorable though was our guide. We requested a guide who the hotel recommended. Then, within 10 minutes of starting the tour this guy just begins a long day of dirty jokes and innuendos about dating us girls. Seriously probably the most sex deprived person I've ever met. It was partly hilarious, partly unbelievable, and partly uncomfortable. I'm guessing he just assumed all American women are loose and like that kind of talk. The highlight was probably "The snake in the trousers is more dangerous than the snake in the wood because the snake in the woods gets scared but the snake in the trousers never gets scared or tired." (Throughout this sentence he was gesturing at Michael's pants) This pretty much has all of us laughing so hard and so uncomfortably that we were practically crying. And this is only one of the gems he left us with. Definitely not the tour we were expecting, but totally memorable nevertheless.

Overall, a lovely vacation. I'll actually be back in Siem Riep in 2 weeks for a conference, but that trip will look a lot different. Less dancing, more living at a Jesuit retreat center and listening to lectures.

Missing everyone!

Normal

I'm stealing this post idea from my fellow SALTer LynAnne, so I will begin by officially crediting her genius.

A comedian I love, Christopher Titus, starts out one of his comedy specials with the line "65% of American families are dysfunctional. That means that we're the majority. Normal people are no longer normal" or something like that. I've been in Cambodia for 6 weeks now and I'm settling into this being normal life, not a long vacation. So I thought I would share a few things that are officially 'normal' for me now:
1) Rice with every meal, breakfast, lunch, and dinner
2) Traveling everywhere on the back of a moto (moped)
3) Bargaining for every purchase (though sometimes I am lazy and just pay whatever they ask)
4) Watching Korean soap operas and music videos every night
5) Going to bed early and getting up early
6) Dealing with a language barrier 24/7
7) Laughing at myself when I say completely the wrong thing is Khmer or get completely lost or make a huge cross cultural mistake
8) Being more emotionally vulnerable than at home, my normal coping mechanisms don't always work here
9) Using water instead of toilet paper
10) Always taking cold showers- which actually feel amazing
11) Not going anywhere if it is raining, the city totally shuts down, the streets flood
12) Carrying a helmet with me everywhere
13) Accepting that if you walk anywhere, you will be noticed because no one walks here

And here are a few things I just can't quite get used to:
1) Standing out everywhere I go, I'm always a spectacle
2) Attracting beggars like a magnet
3) Being constantly asked if I need a tuk tuk or moto everywhere I go
4) Not being out after dark, ever
5) Sweating constantly, and I mean constantly

Being an American in Cambodia

As I was preparing to leave for Cambodia, my mom kept saying that this year away would teach me to appreciate America more. I always assumed she was referring to appreciating the creature comforts of prosperity in the U.S. And it is true, I do miss some of the comforts of home. However, living in Phnom Penh, I can find almost any Western thing I'm craving. Everything else, I've already gotten used to. However, I am learning to appreciate America in a totally different way.

As I live here in another culture, I'm discovering that American culture truly is ingrained in me. Culture is the sum of how a people live - all the little things that make up a life- traditions, values, communication style, relationships- things obvious on the surface like clothing style and things way beneath the surface like how you think about what success is. In sum, all the little and big things that are foreign to me here and totally natural at home. We learn our own culture from birth. I'm realizing that despite how cynical I can be about American politics, foreign policy, materialism, etc I am completely and fully an American. There are American values that I innately believe are absolutes. I believe this even though I know that all cultures are different, but none are wrong. I believe this even though I want to fight against my own ethnocentrism. Here are a few uniquely American values that I'm noticing more in this context:
1) Equality- the belief that all people everywhere are equal and deserve the same rights, opportunities, and access to resources
2) Gender equality
3) Individualism- valuing independence and individual's opinions and voices
4) Efficiency - in work, in relationships, in life
5) Valuing linear thought, critical thinking, and rationality

You can't escape your culture, I just hope I learn to be bi-cultural. Everything that is a part of Cambodian culture has a reason behind it. I'll spend this year trying to discover those reasons.

Starting Work & A Weekend in Pre Veng

Hello all,
This past week I finally started working at my partner, Peace Bridges. PB is a local NGO that works in the area of peacebuilding (obviously). Basically, they run a pretty intensive training program for influential Cambodians that covers topics peacebuilding, nonviolent communication, family violence, etc. They then help their trained peacebuilders in spreading this information in their circles of influence. The program is pretty amazing- the exact kind of organization I spent years praising from a classroom at Whitworth. Up until this year, PB has operated with a Cambodian staff and an expat director. Now however, there is a new Cambodian director. The old director has stayed on in an advisory role and is my direct supervisor. The staff has all been really nice. Most of them speak enough English that we can communicate via their English and my little bit of Khmer. I've gotten the chance to really shape what I'll be doing here to fit my interests. I appreciate that PB really recognizes that this is a learning experience for me as well as an opportunity for them to benefit from my skills. I will mostly be working in their newly created research, monitoring, and evaluation department. In the past, they have done some evaluation of their programming, but it hasn't been very consistent. They are in the process of hiring a Cambodian director for this new unit. I will most likely be designing and executing a year long evaluation that I can see to completion. Its definitely a project I was trained for at Whitworth and I'm excited to put those skills to use in a real world setting. Its amazing how much more interesting research articles when you actually vitally need the information! Thanks to my sociology profs for training me for this! This past week I spent most of my time at work reading about evaluation, development in Cambodia, and PB itself. I'm slowly figuring everything out. Right now, work is looking like a great learning opportunity and a fun challenge.

In other news, us 4 SALTers spent this past weekend in Pre Veng. Pre Veng Town is the provincial capital of a nearby province, Pre Veng. MCC currently has one couple who lives their full time and another couple is coming in November. It was great to get out of the city! To be honest, the best part might have been having a day where I didn't have to do anything- it's been a long time since I've had real, relaxing down time. We went on some bike rides, took a moto tour through some villages, ate lots of new Cambodian food we hadn't tried yet, and generally relaxed. Pre Veng is beautiful- very green, so many rice paddies. In fact, we've officially created a new color - rice paddy green. There's nothing like it. So vibrant. (Pictures coming soon) The trip was a great opportunity to see the rural side of Khmer culture- which is especially important considering something like 80% of the population is rural. One of the best parts of the weekend was realizing that I was looking forward to coming back to Phnom Penh. I have settled in here. I loved Pre Veng, but I wouldn't choose to live there because I'm already comfortable in Phnom Penh. I like my job, my family, my routine. It was really the first sign I am starting to be 'at home' here.

This is getting long, so that's all for now : ) I will fill up another post with all my thoughts about development work here. As most of you know, I'm quite capable of rambling on that subject.

My weekend

So, you wake up on Saturday kind of worrying you'll have a boring, awkward weekend with your host family. Instead, at 7 am you get the opportunity to spend one night at the beach with your host sisters! You pack up your things and hit the road for 4 hours until you arrive in Sinoukville or Kampong Som as the Cambodians call it. You feast on fresh lobster, shrimp, and crab. And the day ends with you swimming in the Indian Ocean watching the sunset. At first, the western sky glows pink. Then, the pink spreads and spreads until the whole sky is glowing pink on every side. Golden light flows out of the clouds surrounding the sun. The water reflects the sky and turns a pale shade of pink. And you realize that some moments in life are just too beautiful to have a camera with you.
The advertisements for tourism in Cambodia say "Cambodia: Kingdom of Wonder." The funny thing is, this is actually true.

My Host Family

On Saturday we celebrated my host brother's birthday and I took the opportunity to take a few pictures. Above is one where I jumped in. Below from left to right: An aunt who lives in the provinces and came into town for the weekend. I called her Ohm- a term of respect for older people. Next is Dalen, my youngest sister. She is 16. Next is Phealy, she is 19. Next is Dalice, she is 23. Next, an older sister in town for the weekend. She is my brother's wife. Their son is about 1 and a half and is super cute. Last is the birthday boy, my host brother Sophion.

Hi!

I wanted to let everyone know the move to the host fam went well. I have 3 sisters, Dalice, Phealy, and Dalen, and one brother Sophion. In order the sisters are 23, 19, and 16. They all speak great English and its been fun getting to know them. I have a room to myself that is pretty big and very nice. Also, my house is very close to MCC, maybe 5 to 7 minutes by bike. I'll be biking or taking a moto taxi (motodope) to MCC everyday. So far, its been really great. I will be spending the whole weekend with them, so hopefully it will go well.

Also, yesterday the four of us SALTers bought kick ass helmets for our future moto driving. I'm learning on Monday- well, my first lesson is then anyway. : ) I'm a little nervous about the traffic and the shifting, but I will be doing it all wearing an awesome pink helmet with a face shield that makes me look like a robot!

Good wisdom from another SALTers blog: Living in another culture is like being at a tea party where you don't know how to drink the tea, whether or not you should put your pinky up, or how you like your tea. But you like the tea, and you're learning. : )

Updates

• On Saturday, we went to Choeng Ek, a killing field. During the genocide, 1975-1979, people were shipped from a torturing/interrogating facility in Phnom Penh to Choeng Ek for execution. There are 129 mass graves there and over 10,000 corpses, including children. Today, it is the sight of a monument and museum to remember the dead. During the genocide 1 in 7 Khmers were executed plus deaths related to overwork, starvation, and harsh conditions. The whole place had this heavy feel about it. You can read about human atrocities and ponder their meaning, but when you are standing there surrounded by ghosts, it takes your breath away. I wondered, is it better to remember and memorial or forget and move on? How does a society recover from genocide? Why would anyone go on vacation to visit the killing fields? This trip was very moving and shocking. Above is a picture of peace cranes in the monument.
• On Sunday we were invited to the Khmer mennonite church. Of course, we couldn't understand anything but we were welcomed with a lot of love. Everywhere we go here, we are honored guests just because of our skin color and the work we came to do.
• I feel like I haven't written a lot about my fellow SALTers, but they are all great. Liz is from California, but has lived in Seattle since she graduated from SPU in 2009. She will be working at an after school drop in center for high schoolers. LynAnne is from the Fresno area and went to school in Kansas. She will be working doing design for a fair trade organization. Michael is from Illinois and went to school in Indiana. He's the overall tech guy for MCC and its partners. I've been loving getting to know everyone. We are totally different but bound up together in this adventure. I think we're going to make a very good, balanced team. Good for laughing, relaxing, getting to just act American for awhile, and supporting each other.
• On Sunday night, we had a dance party on the roof of the MCC office. It was awesome. Best night in Cambodia so far for sure.
• Tomorrow I move in with my host family. I still don't start working until the 13th, but my routine will change starting tomorrow. I'm excited and super nervous.
• As for Khmer lessons, our vocabulary grows everyday. It will be easier to pick it up in our host families too. So fun fact about Cambodia. Greeting: bow with hand together at chest level. And you say chumriep sua. "What is your name" is neyak chmuah a-vie-e? "My name is" is kinoum chmuah Nicole. Khmer doesn't have verb conjugations and the structure is relatively similar to English

Bye for now!

Pictures

This first picture is of the group of friends I made at orientation in PA. We called ourselves a cleeque. The story behind this is that one guy, Tyler, (on the front right) thought that it was a Canadian thing to say cleeque for clique. It turned out it was a Tyler thing. In this picture there are people going to Indonesia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos, and Kenya.

This picture is from the royal palace. The royal palace is a huge complex. The architecture is very Khmer, but the layout is very French. The French controlled Cambodia for about 90 years, ending in the 1950s.

While in the throne building of the royal palace, we got caught in a monsoon. This is the Cambodia SALT team (Michael, me, Liz, LynAnne). Also, while waiting out the rain, a random Chinese tourist took a picture of us. I'm guessing they were thinking "look white people in Cambodia" or something like that. lol

We also visited the national museum. There were a ton of statues from the Angkor period when Cambodians ruled most of SE Asia. That period dated from 800 AD ish until 1800 AD ish. I think.

Arrival in Phnom Penh

Highlights in Phnom Penh thus far:

• After 35 hours of travel, I arrived in Phnom Penh on Saturday morning here. (There is a 14 hour difference ahead. As in it was Saturday morning here and Friday night at home) Everything travel and visa wise went extremely smoothly.
• The first day consisted of the MCC staff trying to keep us awake. There are quite a few staff members- 2 country reps- a couple, 1 couple doing other work, 2 reps for SE Asia as a whole- a couple, plus several Cambodian staff. There are also 2 couples in Pre Veng, a city about 2 hours away. We went on a tour of the city by Tuk Tuk (a carriage pulled by a moto (motorcycle))
• Yesterday, we checked out the mall and one of the markets.
• At Wat Phnom, the original buddhist temple in Phnom Penh, we saw monkeys and an elephant.
• So far the four of us SALTers have been out on our own twice. Breakfast this morning and a mid day snack. We're figuring it out slowly but surely.
• I've had delicious Khmer (Cambodian), Chinese, Indian/Bangladeshi, and Western food.
• Today we started our Khmer lessons. Wow. Intense. But I've made some flash cards and its only day one. Its going to take some serious work though!
• Monsoons are awesome. The sky just opens up all of a sudden and it gets cool. The weather has been hot, but then in the evening it rains and everything cools off. The hottest season is March/April. But right now the weather is pretty great (meaning that it gets down to like 78!)
• I'm having a good time overall. There have been a few overwhelming moments, but it is definitely a take it step by step, day by day sort of thing. Who would have thought I would be here doing this? Its really pretty amazing.

More Orienting

In just 8 hours I will be on a plane to LA then Hong Kong then Cambodia. Wow. I feel ready and excited and at peace. A huge group of us heading to Southeast Asia will be traveling together all the way to Hong Kong. It should be a party.

But before that happens, let me give all of you a few more fun facts about orientation:

• In addition to the e-coli outbreak, I experienced another first this week. A tornado warning. Yeah. On Tuesday night at dinner a staff member stood up and calmly told us to all evacuate to the basement. (By the way, this was a first for SALT orientation. Tornadoes are not common here) We were only down there for about 20 minutes, but the whole thing was hilarious. But, the story gets better.
• On Wednesday morning at 5:30 AM, my roommate and I woke up to a horrible siren. I mean a 2 minute long, bombs are about to be dropped on us, harbinger of death siren. We open our eyes at the same time, look at each other, and say "that's a tornado siren." Our response is to go to the bathroom, put on clothes, and head outside. I was expecting a crowd of 100 panicking people. But instead, we find 3 other people, staring at the sky. No one else woke up. We are a very prepared group of 5- we've got clothes on, water bottles, and in a few cases, our passports. We go online to see if there is a tornado warning and there isn't. Then, after about 20 minutes we read in a notebook that those sirens mean that the volunteer fire department is being called to duty. The town is so small the firefighters sleep at home. At breakfast, people didn't even believe us! But, if there had been a tornado, we totally would have saved everyones lives! It was pretty hilarious overall.
• And yes, afterwards I realized that if tornado sirens existed, they would have gone off the night before. What can I say? I'm good in emergency situations : )
• On the last night, we had an international talent show. I was part of an act doing America's national and only original dance- Cotton-eyed Joe or in other words, line dancing. Gotta love it. But it was pretty great joining with dancers from Africa, South America, and the Middle East.

This whole week has been amazing. A good learning experience. The people here are so beautiful. From every continent, sharing their love for Jesus and their desire to serve humanity. Its truly been a privilege. We are living proof that mankind can live together in peace.

Orientation

Hi friends,

Highlights from the first half of orientation in Akron, PA:

• Awesome facility, wonderful people from 30 countries, private bathrooms, great roommate who is going to Cambodia with me (Liz)
• Discovering a new trading card game called Bohnanza. You literally trade bean crops. How awesome is that?
• Making friends with a ton of Canadians. Relearning Canadian geography. In Saskatchewan they call hoodies "bunny hugs." Watching youtube clips of silly Canadian children's shows like Mr. Dressup (who has a tickle trunk full of costumes, don't ask lol)
• Learning more about the Mennonite Central Committee. Their main focuses are peacebuilding, relief, and development. Also, they seem to be better at long term work than most organizations. They stay places long after the world has forgotten about the war or the hurricane or the earthquake that caused the problems to begin with. The staff are all wonderful and interesting. Two of them have lived long term in Cambodia.
• There are 4 people from Cambodia here. I am living with one of their families, the girl, Sodaleap. Its been great to talk to her about her sisters. (I will be living with 3 sisters and one brother in law of hers, ranging in age from 34 to 17) Also, all of the Cambodians have heard of Peace Bridges, the place I will be working, and think it's great. So far I've learned how to say how are you? I am fine. and Where is the bathroom? in Khmer. Well, it's a start!
• The three other people who are going to Cambodia (Liz, Lynanne, and Michael) all seem awesome. We definitely have a lot in common. I've also befriended two girls going to Laos, a guy going to Vietnam, and several people going to Indonesia. We will all be on the same flights to LA and then Hong Kong. And we already have potential plans to go to Hanoi, Vietnam in October for the 1,000 year anniversary of Vietnam's existence.

So basically I love Akron, MCC, Canadians, Cambodians, and traveling thus far. : )

Leaving in 3 days

Hello all,
Today is Sunday and I'm leaving for Pennslyvania and orientation on Wednesday morning. It has come up so fast! I fly from Seattle to Detroit and then onto PA. There will be a couple of SALTers on my flight I think, including a girl I know from Whitworth and one of the people headed to Cambodia with me.
I will miss everyone and this whole leaving/saying goodbye experience is completely surreal. I will write as soon as I get a chance to tell everyone about orientation.

Miss you and love you all!

24 Days and Counting

Hello all,

I am officially only 24 days away from the beginning of my adventure. I will be spending 1 year in Phnom Penh, Cambodia through the SALT program. I will be working for Peace Bridges, a local non profit involved in conflict resolution/mediation work. I'm not really sure exactly what I will be doing for them, but their mission looks interesting.

On August 11th, I head to Akron, Pennslyvania and the Mennonite Central Committee headquarters for orientation. I don't really know what to expect, except that the SALT orientation is combined with another program that brings people from other countries to the U.S. for a year of service similar to SALT. The orientation in Pennslyvania is general, country orientations don't begin until I set foot on Cambodian soil. On August 19th, I'll head directly from PA to Phnom Penh via LA and Hong Kong. (yeah for 30 hours of travel!) Once I get there, I'm pretty sure the first few weeks are mostly about language school and general cultural adjustment. I will be living with a host family (I don't know who yet), but I won't move in with them immediately (at least I think not). There are 3 other SALTers heading to Phnom Penh, and although we'll all be working in different places, I'm sure we'll form a support group for each other. I already met one of these girls since she lives in Seattle.

At this point, I'm gathering up the last few things I need and beginning to comtemplate just how soon I'll actually be leaving. It's really hard to believe that I only committed to this 5 months ago. My life has been in one giant transition ever since graduation in May and part of me is ready to get going. But the other part of me is ready to cling to the familiar. My prayer right now is that I turn to God in all of the craziness of this transition instead of to my own devices. And that I'll be open to all that there is to learn about myself, my future, Jesus, Cambodia, and the world in this year. And that I will joyfully serve one and all who I come into contact with. This whole experience is something I've dreamed about for years and its finally happening- such an amazing blessing. God has paved the way for me on this one and I'm going in with arms wide open.

While I am away, I won't have a phone (but hold onto the number, because I'll have it when I come back) but I will have internet access. You can reach me at nicole.r.geiger@gmail.com and on facebook. I'll be getting my mail address sometime this week and I'll be sure to get it out to all of you.

Thanks to all of you for all of your wonderful support during the last few months.